Bah.

So do you ever feel like things just don't make sense and there is no reasonable explaination. Like why is it that I can't find a listing for any businesses inside the Olympia business park thing, but every business that is supposed to be there comes up with a listing in another area of town. They are all listed at this other random location, even though I know it isn't where they actually reside. So, when I try to find the number for the other restaurant I went to yesterday, which is completely unrelated to the Olympia business park, it apparently doesn't exsist in google. Oh maybe it isn't updated, the restuarant used to be downtown, so I call the listing google has for the downtown restaurant and someone answers, but it isn't for the restaurant, it is someones private line. My back pack went missing yesterday and my attempts to retrace my steps are proving to lead me to be more confused.

So, maybe its a bad idea to spend 3 hours watching a science fiction tv show, but now I've got all these wack conspiracies going through my head. Why can't I find a listing for Hot Iron Monglian Grill, Starbucks, Taco Del Mar, or Fuji Teriaki? Why can't I seem to remember where the hell my pack back could have gone? Why can none of my friends find it in their homes? Who or what is trying to keep me from getting to the truth and what important meaning does the green jansport hold that someone is going to such great lengths to keep me from it? Or does the green back pack even exsist? Did I even go to these restaurants? What is reality and what is fiction?

This is all so disorientating. 

How does this make you feel?

hmm...

Remember that day when you found out Santa wasn't real?

Well... It's kind of like that.

Growing Old

I went to a Pharmacy show a few weeks ago. They just recently moved to New Orleans and it was their last show here. Most people who know me are aware that I really like that band, like a lot. I have been to over 25 Pharmacy shows. I own three different Pharmacy shirts. I have 8 Pharmacy posters up in my room. I went to a show once and it was a mere 5 or 6 hours after getting intense dental surgery. I had gauze in my mouth and I was spitting blood into a cup in the front row. I was singing so hard I popped a stitch. I've been to shows with hundred of other people and shows with 4 other people. To say the least, the Pharmacy has been a major part of my life over the last 4 years. My interest in them has definitely declined over the last year or so, I mean I barely see them anymore, although I still appreciate them. 

When I was preparing to go to their most recent Seattle show, the last one before they moved, I didn't think much about the fact that a band I had dedicated so much time and energy to would be moving across the country. To be perfectly honest I didn't care much at all. If something better had been presented I may not have gone to the show at all. Well I went and it was a lot of fun. I saw a ton of people who I knew and a lot of great bands I had never heard of. I am not going to describe every detail of the show because no one cares, but they did play Fedex Planes and Comic Book, which was a great surprise. 

When the show ended a weird sadness kind of fell over me. This show was an overdue marker for the end of an era. I don't just mean an era of seeing Pharmacy shows. It was more like that band was a major element to the caricature I embodied Freshmen year, someone who I no longer can identify with. I am seemingly probably pretty similar to the person I was two years ago. I dress the same, I listen to the same music (for the most part), I am studying the same thing in school and shit, I hang out with mostly the same people. Despite being seemingly unchanged, I know I am a different person, maybe even purely for the reason that I don't want to go to punk shows three days a week anymore. 

Classes have started again for this quarter. Yesterday I started freaking out. I need to orchestrate the creation of a half hour long film, and I feel completely incompetent. I know that as soon as I am on the set, my amazing film making skills will speak for themselves. But I need to make shit happen. I need to find actors and a location. I need to hold auditions and rehearsals. I need to get costumes and props. I need to be organized and self motivated. I need to finish writing that damn script. I am not confident in my ability to do any of these things. Maybe I should get off my ass and work on this now instead of sitting around blogging. 

For class this quarter I need to keep a production blog. I'll set up a link to that as soon as I get it up and running. 

I'm getting real internet soon! 

"Spent the first hundred years of my life growing old" 

Internet Access at 5 in the morning

Best thing I've ever done:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmonds,_Washington#Notable_locals

No internet and no cable

Snow is really getting in the way of things. There is supposed to be a big ass storm tonight. I hope not, I don't want the Jeremiah Center's Christmas party to get canceled, that would blow. My mom doesn't have internet or cable at her house, I'm at Starbucks with Shelby using there wifi. I am obviously really bored without these commodities so I have taken to organizing the pictures, music, and documents on my computer. I have found a lot of things that are pretty embaressing. Like that were saved onto my computer during weird parts of my life and stand as a time capsle to different things I've experienced. After reading through some particularly vulernable word documents I realized that are some pretty embaressing things and all I wanted to do is erase them, but I will resist. I hate the words I've typed because they remind me that there was a time that I actually believed that bullshit. I need to remember that I use to think certain things, so that I can attempt to never think them again! I don't want to delete my past, but I sure as hell don't want to spend too much time reflecting on how much of a dumb ass I once was. Maybe having such a public blog is good for this reason. I've kept a journal on and off for most of high school and college, but that is different. What I write for my self is incredibly different than how I present myself on this thing. I always have the ability to pick up an old journal and know the deepest darkest secrets of 15 year old Tasha, but I am glad that now I have a public record of how Tasha presents herself to the world. What did I care about? Who was I hanging out with? What was pressing in my life?

I had a xanga when I was 15, I've read through some of those posts in recent years.

Hella dumb.

Chips and coffee

I'm going to Edmonds soon. Tomorrow or the next day. I am not feeling good about leaving. I don't have anyone to take my place at the beach cabin yet. I haven't attempted to pack up any of my things or made solid arrangements to move downtown yet. I know I need to move, and I plan on it. My goal for this year was to live somewhere for 9 months. It would have been a record since college has started, and look at me, three months into a 9 month obligation and I am bailing. Laurel told me that if people move around or experience a lot of change in their childhood then once they grow up they have a hard time staying put. I can easily identify with a childhood of change and upheaval. I attended 7 different elementary schools and lived in countless amount of neighborhoods and houses. When I was in 5th grade my housing situation finally stabilized, I lived in the same house from then till I left for college. Although I found stability in my house, my living situation was definitely still fluctuating. The number of people residing in my house changed more often than the seasons. Family members, step siblings, random teenagers, even my sister Katrina moved in and out during middle and high school. The amount of people living in there would range anywhere from 6 to 11 people. Does the change and sporadic upheaval in my childhood cause me to be a restless adult?

It seems as though all the moves I've made since I graduated high school were utterly necessary, but why is it that I am the only one who moves every couple of months? Maybe I can stay in this new house till I graduate. I mean, I'm definitely going to be in Edmonds this summer, but the rent is cheap enough to keep it while I'm away. I probably should have this discussion with Heather and Lily instead of the internet. They probably have like a lease and stuff. Wow, I really am just diving head first into a situation that I haven't really thought out that well. That's okay though, this is definitely what needs to happen, its just not my style.

Today is snowy. Annoyingly snowy. We haven't been able to leave the Beach Cabin due to the dangerous roads. I don't know why this annoys me so much, but it is indeed driving me crazy. I don't have any other plans or anything today and I was really looking forward to having a relatively lazy day, but because I am STUCK here, it just feels all the more awful. Charlie and I walked to Island Market and got coffee and brownies (which are currently cooking in the oven!) so I guess I have gotten out today. In other more pressing issues, I realized after we got back from our adventurous store run, we are running dangerously low on toilet paper. I also realized shortly after returning to the store that I am in need of lady products, which would have been nice to know before we went to the store.

I know everyone who knows me has heard this but, I MISS THE REEF!!!! At first my friends mocked me, they didn't fully appreciate all the Reef has to offer. We arrive in downtown and what are our options?

New Moon? Good, yet never open! The hours are really limited and inconvenient. Also it is really small in there and they only have tables, no booths.

Quality Burrito? This place is open relatively late, but I am not that into burritos. 'Well Tasha, you don't need to get food, we all know you really love going out to get coffee.' Oh yeah, and they serve coffee in fricking glass, which is completely illogical and annoying. The seating set up is lovely.

Curbside? Do I need to explain?

La Voyeur? It has gotten really expensive and after nine it is a bar. I know that it wouldn't be that hard to be in there during bar hours, but I just don't care that much.

Darby's? Buhhh, actually this place has gotten a lot of business from me since the Reef closed. But don't get me wrong, I will never ever go into that hell whole while the Reef is open. I hate that fucking establishment. Seemingly it is a nice alternative. It serves decently priced diner food, it closes early but is still a good early evening location. It is right down town and the coffee is good. So what is so wrong with Darby's? Well simply, it is a parody. It is a parody of a real decent restaurant. If you looked at it through the window, you would think, nice establishment. If you perused the menu you might even believe you could get some good eats. Fuck, I bet you could even sit down and enjoy an entire meal and think, 'boy I like this place'. But let me assure you, it is all an illusion. I am not a needy customer. My needs are simple. You know what I don't fucking need? A fucking smart ass 'I think I am too cute to do my fucking job' asshole fuck. Charlie, a dear friend of mine, has always been a fan of the arch nemesis, something I have also seen as kind of childish. But, if I was a super hero, my arch nemesis would definitely be inattentive, sarcastic waiter dude from Darby's. Pink Stripes, as I will call him due to the fact that one time he wore a tank top with pink stripes, is everything I am not when it comes to diner culture. He is the anti Tasha. He takes something that I love and shits on it. Bahh, I wasn't meaning to go into this.

Maybe I need to care about more things.

Would you look at this weather?

I hate when I start blogs with "I haven't posted in awhile" or "I don't really have anything to talk about." I have definitely been guilty of this in the past, and I was tempted to do it just now. Why should I let my loyal readers know that my life is boring or whatever. That is bad marketing.

Tonight after the improv show and opening night of Book of Liz a bunch of people went to Denny's, were we where treated to the late night menu. Charlie was looking at pictures of pie and said "Its like there trying to manipulate me into buying this!" We had to explain to him that all advertising attempts to do this.

You know those stupid crane machines they have at places? Well they have one at Denny's on the west side, and in them they have rubber balls. There was a great variety of rubber balls ranging from Twizzlers, baby Betty Boop, various sports team, the Jetsons, and Reese's Pieces painted balls. But the best and single most unfitting of all these balls was the Nightmare on Elm Street ball! You know in dumb romance movies when the guy wins the girl the stupid stuffed bear at the carnival and she is like totally in love with him because of it? Dumb right? Well, I'm just going to say that if any chivalrous person out there wants to win over my heart they need to get me a fucking Nightmare on Elm Street rubber ball!


I'm pretty sure Potachos are a thing of the past :(

I had a goal this year to live in the same place for like 9 months straight. Well, I suck.



I wrote a screenplay. I need youngish looking actors, people who can pull of being 17. Anyone interested?