I just wish I could have both

I am on break. My mommy picked me up from Olympia on friday. I took a long time to get home. First, we are about twenty minutes outside Olympia making our way north when suddenly I realize I have forgotten my cellphone. My mom graciously turned around and let me retrieve my phone. If I am out and my phone dies, I freak. I feel completely vulnerable and disorganized without my it. If I had to go three weeks without my phone I would not be very happy. But anyways we get my phone and are heading to Seattle. We are giving Jai a ride home also (not to Guam, but Greenlake). During our trip I drink an entire Gatorade and by the time we hit Boeing air field I have to pee really really bad. My mom asks if I can make it till we reach downtown Seattle, which is about 10 minutes from south Seattle. I agree to this, but just as we are going over the hill and can see the city for the first time, I realize we are in crazy ass traffic. Their is no way I can make it too Seattle. Mt bladder was so full, the pressure hurt so bad and fricking Jai is making pee noises. I am nineteen, I can't pee my pants, especially in front of Jai. I tell my mom she need to get off the free way now (I might have also threatened to pee in her car). He get off the freeway in south Seattle and spend way too long looking for a bathroom. My mom refused to let me pee outside. We finally drop off Jai and get home. It has been a little weird beign in Edmonds. Every since my family moved I don't feel completely at home anymore. Most of my friends here are still in school and or still working. I don't feel as close with alot of people here anymore. It is kind of lonely sometimes. I saw Juno today. Fricking ruled. One day me and Michael Cera will be married. Good good movie. I would say more but I don't want to spoil anything. But if you have seen it and want to talk about it give me a call!! I went to the kaz-ba tonight. It was kind of weird. I don't really feel like going into to much detail. It is hard when things change. I guess I kind of expect people in Edmonds to stay the same and wait around for me to get back in town, but that is unrealistic. When I am in Olympia I am growing and changing. When people are in Edmonds they are growing and changing. I just wish things would go back to the way they were before I left. But I left. No one left me, I left them. I visit alot, more than most people visit their friends and family back home I think. Unfortunetly a part of me has left Edmonds and will probably never come back. Its hard to imagine that Edmonds is no longer my home. I love college and I am super glad I am there. I just wish I could have both. Maybe this sounds dramatic, but unlike a lot of college students, I didn't want to escape where I grew up. I love my family and my friends in Edmonds. When I left for college all I wanted was to live in Edmonds again. I needed to leave, I realize this now. It has helped me grow up, alot. I am going to try and sleep now. Too much coffee!! I have been in a weird funk every since I have been back. Hopefully I stop feeling sorry for myself and enjoy my time away from Olympia. Atleast I don't have to eat Greenery for three weeks!