Thursday, July 10, 2008

please don't disappoint

I guess it would only make sense that as I am changing rapidly through experiences and age, people who live an hour and a half north of me also go through similar changes. I guess the awkward part is when these two entities, who were once very familiar with each other grow and change completely separate from each other, then reunite. I once knew you and you once knew me. We can't understand the difference and are offended by it. "Well I am allowed to change and be different, but familiarity is comfortable, so please don't disappoint."

I am living in the past. But not an accurate representation of similar situations that have already come to pass, but a diluted sugar coated existence where I am wrongly remembering "the good ole days". Things have changed and I've changed. Of course I've changed. If I spent 2 years at college and didn't change, well that would be a waste.

Those who were once peers, are now proving less and less that they are up to the challenge. Maybe it was always tainted. Maybe I've been given eyes to see past high school bull shit. I hope so. It seems as though each community requires 100% of me and I don't have that to offer. I think I am being asked to sacrifice. I can't give myself fully to both so I must choose. Both need someone to commit to years of servitude and my specific gifts will come in handy with each.

Challenging the status quo is hard and I feel like I'm neglecting the inevitable.

Familiarity is comforting. That's why decisions are sometimes hard to make. I don't want to ignore a call because I'm afraid of what I'll hear. On the other hand, things can looking tempting from certain angles, yet reveal itself fully later on.

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