Thursday, February 28, 2008

Snitches get Stiches

The school is divided. The school is divided and scary. Unlike a lot of propaganda I have been hearing, I am not afraid of the cops, but the students. I identify as an Anarchist and generally speaking I'm against the institution of police officers. Another belief I have, which is much more important, I believe, to having a society void of authority, is that we all should strive to have a community that respects each other and, through dialog, tries to find a mutual understanding on divided issues. This ideal was not executed today by my fellow classmates. I went to a forum about the riot and I saw a lot of unnecessary hostility and blatant disrespect. The conversation got so heated I felt like there needed to be police intervention. There were a group of people who sat in the back of Lecture Hall 1 and shouted rude and disruptive comments while others spoke. They didn't feel it was necessary to address the crowd formally or respect others opinions by allowing them there time to talk. They just shouted and used intimidation to dominate a conversation. These people where obviously on the side of getting rid of cops, yet they could barely police themselves. People like them make me reconsider my anarchic ideals. It is obvious some people are looking for resolution of any issue, they just want to fuck shit up.

Also, while I was walking home from the Greenery, some guy was putting up a card board wall as an installation art piece commenting on walls and boarders. While he was duck taping it, this kid came and knocked it over. What an ass hole. It really frustrates me when I see the student body motivated to be destructive ass holes, and not care a damn about advocacy or social justice. I know it isn't the entire student body, but the loudest ones get noticed.

People have been plastering anti snitch propaganda everywhere. My favorite is "Snitches get stiches." This blatant threat toward anyone who "snitches" is absolutely horrible. It seems like people want to get rid of cops and replace them with students who have privilege and self imposed authority. If someone doesn't agree with you or tries to counter your opinion, just beat them up. Yeah fuck cops! Lets just beat each other up. I mean, if the claim is that cops are violent and hateful pigs, why is it that the students are acting like the animals? And speaking from someone who's job is to snitch on people, I am frightened of my community. For the first time I am scared to be an RA on campus. I am not afraid of the cops or the man, I am afraid of the students who are threatening me and my fellow students.

This may seem over dramatic and unnecessary, and I would have agreed 12 hours ago, but some students are ready to throw down and I'm praying that no one has to get hurt because of there ignorance.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

You wanna pass me a percocet?

What an interesting and long weekend I have had. On Friday after class I ventured to Portland, OR for the conference Jesus the Revolution. I have been on several InterVaristy conferences and this one was by far the best. The Evergreen group was record breaking this time with 5 students and 2 staff workers. Another awesome part of the weekend is that I got to see a bunch of my friends who went to Summit! Last summer I spent the first two weeks living in Portland, working at a bunch of places, attempting to serve the poor. This was an amazing trip were I learned a lot about myself, God, and the world. I also was a part of an amazing community that was reunited this last weekend. I hadn't realized how much I had missed them until I saw them again this weekend. I also got a lot closer with the people who go to bible study. A great bunch they are and it was lovely hanging out. I am also excited about one more thing: Prayer. I realize the majority of people who read this aren't Christian, so just bare with me for a minute. There has been a prayer movement sweeping college campuses across the nation. I feel like this movement is the answer to so many of the problems of the Church today.

Jesus has become an institution. The religion of Christianity promotes routine and structure. Being a Christian isn't about saying the right words or going through the right motions, it is about living our relationships with Christ. I usually can't stand going to church because all I see is people who are bored. I want to be excited! I want to reignite my passion! Generally churches are the last place I would suggest to go to get passionate about Jesus. But this pray movement is so simple, yet so revolutionary. Just pray, pray all day long every day. This all started with some group of people in England, I believe, who decided they would take turns praying in shifts. All day everyday for 30 days, now nearly two decades later they have never stopped praying. Being a Christian isn't about communion and saying the lords pray, it is about loving Jesus and having a real relationship with him. This is what I want, and what I need.

For the first time in a long time I don't feel alone in this need.
Let the revolution begin.

Anyways, so I get back Sunday night and sleep a lot!

Monday is Charlie's birthday!!
So, you know, like any sane person, Charlie decides he wants to spend his 20th birthday in the emergency room. So we partied it up at the hospital for nearly 4 hours.

Let me start from the beginning. Charlie was trying to open Corbin's window, he tried really hard. His hand burst through the window slitting his left wrist.

I continue to freak the fuck out and call the police. The firemen come and wrap up his hand and the police give Charlie a ride to the hospital. I got to ride in the back of the cop car! Then we waited. Waited at the ER, waited at Walgreens for Charlie's oxycodon prescription to be filled, wait at Red Robin's to get a table, and waiting at the bowling alley for the rest of the group to show up. Oh and by the way, we had the shittiest waiter at Red Robin's. We told him it was Charlie's birthday and he carded him. What a D bag. Then later we went to the reef.

So the moral of the story is don't cut your wrist on broken glass, it isn't nearly as much fun as it sounds!!!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Defeated :(

So I have a lot to talk about, but absolutely no energy!! It is 4 in the morning and I have to get up in 5 hours for class. Real quickly I must air my grievances with Vancouver, WA and how much I hate this city.

Quick background of my transportation history. I have never owned a car or had my license, not even my permit. I have gotten real good at taking buses. every few weeks I spend 8 hours round trip busing from Oly to Edmonds and back. I am very good at navigating websites and figuring out how to bus certain places (I don't know how people did anything before the internet). This summer I figured out how to bus from Edmonds to Anacortes, I mean, Anacortes for hecks sake! (literally for Heck's sake, I was busing to go to What The Heck Fest). Anyways, my friend Nathan is busing from Edmonds - Portland this Saturday and I wanted to help him figure it out. I just spent the last hour and a half trying to crack this code. It would have taken nearly 10 hours, but it would have cost less than 7 dollars. It involved nearly 8 buses and much lay over time, but I figured it out damnit. I even figured out how to get from Tumwater to longview and longview to Vancouver.

The only flaw in the plan is that the transit station in Vancouver that the bus from Longview goes to, Salmon Creek, does not have a single bus leave it on the weekends. There is a six mile gap from that transit station to the next. Six miles!!! I figured out how to bus all the way from Edmonds to fucking Portland, except six fucking miles in Vancouver, WA. Fuck Vancouver. Fuck!!! I am so defeated. I almost managed to escape using greyhound or amtrak to travel. Almost!

Well this path still works on the weekdays :)

Sunday, February 17, 2008

I had to poo

I went to Seattle / Edmonds this weekend. I am still here, using my families new computer. It is really nice and sleek. Sexy flat screen. I bused into Seattle Friday evening to meet up with Nathan at the Pharmacy show. I am not sure how many times it has been, but I believe it is around twenty times that I have seen them live. It might be a little less.

When I arrived in Seattle I had to poo. Like, bad. If I just had to pee I would have found an alley way or something like that and handled my full bladder in a punk rock manner. But Pooping is different. I have pooped in the woods before, but in a city, that would be just weird. I got to Seattle around 9:30, so a lot of places I could normally use the bathroom, were closed. After a few blocks I found a McDonalds. A police officer has guarding the bathroom, "Customers Only." I waited in a long line and ended up buying a small fry for a dollar and nine cents. I ran into the bathroom and went poo. When I was done I still had to wait to get my fries. I don't really like McDonald's fries and I wasn't hungry at all (I went to the Greenery earlier). I was just going to leave and forget about the fries, basically I spent 1.09 to use the bathroom. I started feeling ridiculously privileged. I mean I am, but I guess it was just so apparent then.

I got to the show around 9:45. The Pharmacy played and it was fun. There were alot of young kids, which made me feel kind of awkward. I hate feeling old. I was kind of disapointed in the set because it was super short and they only played one song off B.F.F. I hate change.

Afterwards I went to Nathans place and spent the night. Today I went to the Kaz-ba. The last band that played was actually pretty good. After the show the merch guy stared going around and aggressively trying to convince people to buy a CD. It was funny because Daniel was getting so pissed at this guys persistent techniques. We was telling people that if he didn't sell x number of CDs that the band was going to beat him with a metal pipe. Daniel was getting so annoyed. The funny part is he had every intention of buying a CD, but refused because of the merch guys' behavior. I told the merch guy I had plenty of money but I was just going to download all there music and burn it for all my friends. I don't think he appreciated that.

I have this project for class I will be working on for the next three weeks. It is supposed to be a non fiction animation. I originally wanted it to be an abstract collage style animation about the influence of reproduced sound in our society. But I decided that I want to take a much lighter approach to this assignment. My last project was super serious, and I am sure my spring project will be super serious, so I want this animation to be super laid back and fun. I had an idea to animate the troubles of the donner party, because forced cannibalism is kind of funny, but decided against it. My final decision is that I am going to animate the trials and tribulations of the 4th flour. The most influential community I have ever been apart of is the madhouse, the floor I lived on last year as a Freshmen. We had some wacky times, and I want to animate that wackiness. The cool thing is I am going to have everybody do there own voice overs, except Amanda, or course. I hope it turns out good. Any ideas?? Let me know!!

I am waking up kind of early tomorrow to catch the bus to Olympia. I hate the bus!!!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Glorified (and wonderful) excuse to eat candy

So, during my brief re-emergence into the drinking world, I forgot one thing. I hate parties. I am currently not drinking, I can say it is just because of lent, but that isn't true. It was becoming a problem and I needed to calm down. A lot of people in my life don't understand this, and that is okay. I don't expect anyone to know what alcohol means to me, just like I don't know what it means to them. All I do know is that alcohol means way too much to me. I was at this party tonight, and all I wanted to do was drink. I wanted to drink so bad. I wanted to drink until I couldn't think right or walk straight. I wanted to drink until I made decisions I would soon regret. I feel like beer is the perfect escape from being responsible. I can't be blamed for my actions when I am drunk, right? Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with this imagined pressure to be a good example. A part of me wants to do whatever it takes to feel immediately gratified, drugs, sex, booze, it doesn't matter, I want a piece of it. Some voice in my head is constantly re affirming that these things don't actually make me happy, they would just make me forget or distract me. Alcohol is everything that is bad for me in my life, but it is also anecdote of "fun Tasha." I don't know what is missing in my life, but I know beer isn't it.

Anyways, why I hate parties! Well I don't exactly hate parties, I just hate most people. Okay, I don't hate people, I just get horribly annoyed with them. I believe it to be true that when people have been drinking, their inhibitions lower and are more audacious in there actions. When I am cold sober (as I was this evening) and I see people interact with each other, I just get angry. I see the skezzy guy making his rounds, hitting on and touching all the girls at the party. I see the girls who are flattered by this offensive flittering. I can see these gender dynamics boldly presenting themselves in front of my eyes, and it sucks. At other parties this year, it has been primarily people I knew well and I have also been drinking. Tonight was a rude awakening to how the rest of the world works, and it sucks. It is kind of like leaving Evergreen, but the characteristics of this party stank of Evergreen stereotypes, folk music being made in the living room, lots of white people (I think all white people actually), PBR, and much too familiar faces. I was in a house full of people I recognized, some I had even been in classes with and conversed with on a regular basis, but hardly any people in that house where my friends, or even people I felt slightly comfortable around. I guess it boils down to feelings. I go to some parties and I feel comfortable and I have a great time! Others I have overwhelming feelings of violation, just from standing in the room. After people started arriving I didn't feel comfortable at all, in a house that I have been at dozens of time, with people I count as my best friends. I don't know, it was just uncomfortable. I got some surprising and horrible news at the party, and it was time to leave. The world makes me sad sometimes. I fucking hate "the way things are" sometimes.

Respect women, respect me.
Thats not too complicated.

Okay, I have really been ragging on this party. It wasn't that bad I guess, a lot of people seemed to be having a lot of fun. It just wasn't what I needed tonight. I tip my hat to the captain for having another raging party.

Oh yeah, Happy Valentines Day!! Let us dine and drink to the martyred Saints known only as Valentine on there feast day, February 14th. Let us remembered our loved ones and those who we care about in our lives by eating chalky little candy hearts. I can't get enough of those things.

Hmm, how can I end this without sounding biter about Valentines day? I really have no hard feelings against this day. This is just like most other holidays, a glorified (and wonderful) excuse to eat candy! Anyone got any extra sweethearts? I'll take them!


Keep positive! Chin up!
What if a good attitude isn't enough?

I am usually real good at dealing with problems. I pride myself on being pretty straight forward and reasonable. What if being a good listener isn't enough? What if honesty isn't enough? I get sucked into the horrible black hole of passive aggressive behavior. There is nothing in this world that bothers me more than passive aggressive people. If you have a problem with me, tell me! No manipulation, no mind games, just TELL ME!!!

I say this, but I am just as guilty as anyone else.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I tried being honest. I tried being understanding. I tried not letting it bother me. I tried passive aggressive mind games. I don't know what to do anymore. Is my last option burning that bridge?

This blog post in its self is passive aggressive as fuck.

Tell me what you need! I will do the best I can to deliver. I wouldn't care this much if you didn't matter to me, but I am out ideas.

In other news, I suck at life.

I am at the end of my rope.
one fuck up away from getting fired.

How can I do this job if I don't feel like I can trust anyone? Don't tell me you care about me and believe in me, just to talk shit about me to my peers. How can I be straight forward and honest when it could cost me my job. Bite the bullet? Maybe. Do what I can to survive? I guess.

This summer my family got evicted from our home. My mom doesn't have the best credit, for awhile it seemed as though we wouldn't be able to find another place to live. This was the first time in my life I ever worried about not having a home. I mean, I was a few weeks from going off to college, but I still couldn't bare the thought of my family not having a home. We'd all lived in that house for 9 years, it was the only house I had ever called home. My mom found an apartment near my little sisters schools. It worked out great, a much more convenient location for everyone. But not home.

If I get fired, I don't have anywhere to live. I know my friends would take care of me until I got my business in order, but still, no security. No where to call home.

Being an adult sucks!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Christmas Miracle

I apologize loyal blog readers (all three of you) for my lack of posting recently I can give you the "I have been too busy" excuse, but it would be a lie. This last week has been a rough one. I guess mustering the energy to write down all the things going wrong in my life would almost have broken me. In short, I am on the verge of being fired, and despite how much I loath my job, it is very good for me financially. I need to do what it takes to get by, nothing more.

In other news, my class produced a show on TCTV. The group I was in appointed me as director, it was an honor. Despite all the difficulties, we managed to write and produce a 25 minute long show in 4 days. It was a Christmas miracle. When it airs on TV I'll let you all know.

I had an adventure this weekend. It all started with Kimya Dawson playing in Seattle this Saturday. Carley and I were planning on taking the bus in the morning to get to the show in time, it started at 3. The Friday before the show we wanted to go to the Reef. We called and invited Matt Olson. He explained he was too tired. Jokingly, I asked him if we (Carley and I) could borrow his car to go to the Reef. Surprisingly he agreed to this. After the Reef we were hanging out at Heathers and we decided we wanted to get the hell out of Olympia. We discussed the prospect of driving to Yelm, Lacey, or Tacoma. All these ideas fell short of fun. Out of peer desperation we called Matt and asked if we could bring his car to Seattle for the night. He hesitantly agreed to this. We couldn't believe this!! We took off for the big city. We got to the big city, and kept driving until we got to a much smaller city. I gave Carley a quick tour of Edmonds, WA. We got to my mom's house around 1 o clock in the morning and visit with her for awhile. Afterwards we meet up with Nathan on Capitol Hill. There was a big party with lots of glitter and '80s music. We stay for a short while and head to Beth's Cafe. We hung out there drinking coffee and eating hash browns until 3:30am. We head back to Edmonds, watch The Craft, and go to bed. The next day we went to see Kimya Dawson at Easy street. It was cool. We got there 25 minutes before the show started and got to the very front. Kimya was awesome. She played for nearly two hours. After the show Carley and I plan on meeting up with Nathan and Andi in Olympia, so after we drop off Matt's car, we can go with them the rest of the way to Portland!!! Oh and We so lovingly named Matt's car the Bat Mobile. Mostly because there was a rubber bat hanging from the rear view mirror. We all met up at school and headed south. We didn't get to Portland till after 9:30 at night. Most everything was closed. After aimlessly walking and driving around, we met up with Nathan's girl friend in the Hawthorne district. We saw the last few songs of the Lake set. They were playing at this cute venue called the Artisary (I think). My friends and I brought the fricking party. We kept telling people that we hear no one in Portland dances. It was great. Afterwards we went to this diner and got food. I got the good old 2 egg breakfast. After that, we went to this house show. It took us awhile to find it (shotty directions) and by the time we arrived (1:30) the show was over. We went back to Michelle's to sleep. In the morning we went to Noah's Bagels and got 39 free bagels. Nathan had a bunch of coupons. Afterwards we went and got coffee at this dive where you were allowed to smoke inside. I drank coffee and smoked a cigarette. It was awesome! For lunch we went to Nicholas' Restaurant. We had amazing Lebanese food. It was served family style!! Shortly after we headed back to Olympia. I love adventure. Next weekend I think I am going to Edmonds. There is a show in Seattle, that should be fun.

So I started writing this post last night, but went to the Reef right in the middle of it, so yeah. When we were walking into the Reef last night, I saw Kimya Dawson, Angelo Spencer, and their baby Panda getting out of a car. I kind of freaked. I got like really nervous and weird. Once we were inside I started freaking out! I am not sure why exactly, but it happened. I really dropped the ball. Matt told me I should go talk to her, at this point she was sitting at a table in the Reef. I mustered the courage and walked over to her table. I told her I saw her yesterday in Seattle and I really appreciated the show. I introduced myself and thanked her. I was nervous and not that cool. I could have been much cooler. If there was ever a time in my life to be cool, it was then, but I fucked it up. I'm glad I did it though. She is just a human being and she shouldn't (and probably doesn't want to) be idolized. I guess I just think she is so amazingly cool. Michelle, in reference to why Kimya is so cool, put it "anyone could write her songs, but she is the only one who does." I think that is a great way to sum up why she is so awesome. We need more people singing about their Vaginas.

I have been listening to "B.F.F." frantically since I got back from Portland. I just realized that I hadn't listened to it in nearly 4 months and I think it may be my favorite album ever. EVER!!!