Internet Access at 5 in the morning

Best thing I've ever done:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmonds,_Washington#Notable_locals

No internet and no cable

Snow is really getting in the way of things. There is supposed to be a big ass storm tonight. I hope not, I don't want the Jeremiah Center's Christmas party to get canceled, that would blow. My mom doesn't have internet or cable at her house, I'm at Starbucks with Shelby using there wifi. I am obviously really bored without these commodities so I have taken to organizing the pictures, music, and documents on my computer. I have found a lot of things that are pretty embaressing. Like that were saved onto my computer during weird parts of my life and stand as a time capsle to different things I've experienced. After reading through some particularly vulernable word documents I realized that are some pretty embaressing things and all I wanted to do is erase them, but I will resist. I hate the words I've typed because they remind me that there was a time that I actually believed that bullshit. I need to remember that I use to think certain things, so that I can attempt to never think them again! I don't want to delete my past, but I sure as hell don't want to spend too much time reflecting on how much of a dumb ass I once was. Maybe having such a public blog is good for this reason. I've kept a journal on and off for most of high school and college, but that is different. What I write for my self is incredibly different than how I present myself on this thing. I always have the ability to pick up an old journal and know the deepest darkest secrets of 15 year old Tasha, but I am glad that now I have a public record of how Tasha presents herself to the world. What did I care about? Who was I hanging out with? What was pressing in my life?

I had a xanga when I was 15, I've read through some of those posts in recent years.

Hella dumb.

Chips and coffee

I'm going to Edmonds soon. Tomorrow or the next day. I am not feeling good about leaving. I don't have anyone to take my place at the beach cabin yet. I haven't attempted to pack up any of my things or made solid arrangements to move downtown yet. I know I need to move, and I plan on it. My goal for this year was to live somewhere for 9 months. It would have been a record since college has started, and look at me, three months into a 9 month obligation and I am bailing. Laurel told me that if people move around or experience a lot of change in their childhood then once they grow up they have a hard time staying put. I can easily identify with a childhood of change and upheaval. I attended 7 different elementary schools and lived in countless amount of neighborhoods and houses. When I was in 5th grade my housing situation finally stabilized, I lived in the same house from then till I left for college. Although I found stability in my house, my living situation was definitely still fluctuating. The number of people residing in my house changed more often than the seasons. Family members, step siblings, random teenagers, even my sister Katrina moved in and out during middle and high school. The amount of people living in there would range anywhere from 6 to 11 people. Does the change and sporadic upheaval in my childhood cause me to be a restless adult?

It seems as though all the moves I've made since I graduated high school were utterly necessary, but why is it that I am the only one who moves every couple of months? Maybe I can stay in this new house till I graduate. I mean, I'm definitely going to be in Edmonds this summer, but the rent is cheap enough to keep it while I'm away. I probably should have this discussion with Heather and Lily instead of the internet. They probably have like a lease and stuff. Wow, I really am just diving head first into a situation that I haven't really thought out that well. That's okay though, this is definitely what needs to happen, its just not my style.

Today is snowy. Annoyingly snowy. We haven't been able to leave the Beach Cabin due to the dangerous roads. I don't know why this annoys me so much, but it is indeed driving me crazy. I don't have any other plans or anything today and I was really looking forward to having a relatively lazy day, but because I am STUCK here, it just feels all the more awful. Charlie and I walked to Island Market and got coffee and brownies (which are currently cooking in the oven!) so I guess I have gotten out today. In other more pressing issues, I realized after we got back from our adventurous store run, we are running dangerously low on toilet paper. I also realized shortly after returning to the store that I am in need of lady products, which would have been nice to know before we went to the store.

I know everyone who knows me has heard this but, I MISS THE REEF!!!! At first my friends mocked me, they didn't fully appreciate all the Reef has to offer. We arrive in downtown and what are our options?

New Moon? Good, yet never open! The hours are really limited and inconvenient. Also it is really small in there and they only have tables, no booths.

Quality Burrito? This place is open relatively late, but I am not that into burritos. 'Well Tasha, you don't need to get food, we all know you really love going out to get coffee.' Oh yeah, and they serve coffee in fricking glass, which is completely illogical and annoying. The seating set up is lovely.

Curbside? Do I need to explain?

La Voyeur? It has gotten really expensive and after nine it is a bar. I know that it wouldn't be that hard to be in there during bar hours, but I just don't care that much.

Darby's? Buhhh, actually this place has gotten a lot of business from me since the Reef closed. But don't get me wrong, I will never ever go into that hell whole while the Reef is open. I hate that fucking establishment. Seemingly it is a nice alternative. It serves decently priced diner food, it closes early but is still a good early evening location. It is right down town and the coffee is good. So what is so wrong with Darby's? Well simply, it is a parody. It is a parody of a real decent restaurant. If you looked at it through the window, you would think, nice establishment. If you perused the menu you might even believe you could get some good eats. Fuck, I bet you could even sit down and enjoy an entire meal and think, 'boy I like this place'. But let me assure you, it is all an illusion. I am not a needy customer. My needs are simple. You know what I don't fucking need? A fucking smart ass 'I think I am too cute to do my fucking job' asshole fuck. Charlie, a dear friend of mine, has always been a fan of the arch nemesis, something I have also seen as kind of childish. But, if I was a super hero, my arch nemesis would definitely be inattentive, sarcastic waiter dude from Darby's. Pink Stripes, as I will call him due to the fact that one time he wore a tank top with pink stripes, is everything I am not when it comes to diner culture. He is the anti Tasha. He takes something that I love and shits on it. Bahh, I wasn't meaning to go into this.

Maybe I need to care about more things.

Would you look at this weather?

I hate when I start blogs with "I haven't posted in awhile" or "I don't really have anything to talk about." I have definitely been guilty of this in the past, and I was tempted to do it just now. Why should I let my loyal readers know that my life is boring or whatever. That is bad marketing.

Tonight after the improv show and opening night of Book of Liz a bunch of people went to Denny's, were we where treated to the late night menu. Charlie was looking at pictures of pie and said "Its like there trying to manipulate me into buying this!" We had to explain to him that all advertising attempts to do this.

You know those stupid crane machines they have at places? Well they have one at Denny's on the west side, and in them they have rubber balls. There was a great variety of rubber balls ranging from Twizzlers, baby Betty Boop, various sports team, the Jetsons, and Reese's Pieces painted balls. But the best and single most unfitting of all these balls was the Nightmare on Elm Street ball! You know in dumb romance movies when the guy wins the girl the stupid stuffed bear at the carnival and she is like totally in love with him because of it? Dumb right? Well, I'm just going to say that if any chivalrous person out there wants to win over my heart they need to get me a fucking Nightmare on Elm Street rubber ball!


I'm pretty sure Potachos are a thing of the past :(

I had a goal this year to live in the same place for like 9 months straight. Well, I suck.



I wrote a screenplay. I need youngish looking actors, people who can pull of being 17. Anyone interested?

December 6th 2007 was a year ago

Post 100. 

I started this blog on December 6th 2007.

One year ago from today.

This is an average of a blog post every 3.56 days. 

Where was I last year?

I hated my job

I was doing poorly in school

I was still recovering from a break-up

and I could get a cup of coffee at the Reef for 1.25

So much has changed. 

I feel like my 100th blog should be super celebratory, but I'm not feeling it right now. 

I need to go to sleep. 

One year anniversary of I Never Knew a Revolutionary Who Was Afraid To Dance.

woot! 

Here all the Bombs Fade Away

I am not going on Facebook or Myspace for a week. I will probably save like 10 hours this week by not checking either of those pages. It is currently killing me. All I want to do is check them, but I won't!

Thanksgiving break was amazing this year! I literally just had so much fun everyday. I hung out with people I haven't seen in awhile, I met awesome new people, and I went to two great shows. Last thanksgiving break was so awful, RC and I broke up and my mom and I fought the entire time, it was our infamous myspace fight that resulted in my mom ignoring my existence for 3 days. I almost left Edmonds and spent the remainder of break in Olympia. I can't believe how much of a happier more fulfilled person I am this time around. I was just surrounding with amazing people who encourage me to be an awesome fun person.

I saw the Decemberists with Daniel on Sunday. We bought the tickets back in September I believe, maybe August actually. I remember the day vividly. Daniel called and left a message on my phone saying that we had good news and Daniel used to never leave messages (weirdly he does all the time now, but that might have been the first ever message he had left on my phone for the 4 years I've known him). I new as soon as I heard his cryptic message I knew that either the Decemberists, Page France, or Sufjan Stevens were playing a show. I called him and we bought tickets that night. They had a small pre-sale of tickets and we took advantage. I remember the UPS people had the hardest time finding my home to drop off the much anticipated tickets. I remember receiving a reimbursement check for the tickets from Daniel's dad which revealed my true identity as Natasha (opposed to Latasha) to Daniel's little sister. These tickets were a big deal. Last Friday I went to grab the tickets from the living room and couldn't find them. Panic. I looked in all the stacks of mail and loose paper. I looked under all the furniture. I looked in all the nooks in the crannies. I recruited the help of my family and they searched everywhere imaginable. My mom and I tag teamed taking all the bags of garbage out of the dumpster and searching through them. I probably looked for those damn tickets for at least 6 hours. My family lives in a pretty small apartment, and they had only been in the house for like 5 days at that point. They couldn't be buried that deep! I began to realize that maybe I wasn't going to find them I started exhausting other resources. I called and emailed ticketmaster, musictoday, and the Moore theatre. Each entity kept saying that I needed to contact the other one in order to get new tickets. I was hopeless.

The day the concert rolled around. I was talking to Daniel over facebook chat. He was asking what time we should head down to the concert and I kept insisting we show up early. He was not understanding why we needed to show up for the show 3 hours early. I needed to break the news to him. I told him I needed to tell him something but I needed to do it over the phone. I call and preface the conversation with "Okay, you can't get mad and you can't tell your parents." I nervously continued "I lost the tickets." and then the obvious reaction for Daniel was to accuse me of being a liar. I just started laughing! I think maybe I had just finally accepted that I misplaced 80 dollars worth of tickets, and relized how fricking funny that is.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Its psychotic Laughter!"

We get to the Moore theatre a few hours early and get in line. In line? I don't know, it seemed right. We are hanging out for awhile, drinking Tully's coffee when a lady walks by, "Anybody need any tickets."
"I do." But no cash!

I ran to the nearest ATM, it was in the whiskey bar. I walk in and head to the ATM. Some big dude come over to me and asks to see my ID, but oh wait, I'm only twenty. I leave and start looking for the next ATM, which is like 4 blocks away. I practically ran back and exchanged another 80 dollars for two more tickets. We get into the show and got good seats, in the third row.

The first band was pretty cool, I had never heard of them. Loch Lohan, I believe was their name. The weirdest thing is that the lights went down at exactly 8:00. I'm used to a show saying it starts at 8 and actually start at 9:30. The Decemberists where up next and they fricking rocked it! During their second song "The Island" Colin Meloy tells everyone to grab their chairs and push them off to the side. Dancing and singing and joy for the next two hours. The "last" song they played was Chimbley Sweep. It was wonderful. Of course they encored, and played 3 more songs. During the actual last one "Sons and Daughters" Colin Meloy starts encouraging people to come on stage and help him sing the song. I jumped up there and stood in close proximity to Colin. There might have been a hug exchanged at the end of the show between us, but I don't kiss and tell!

I was such a giddy little 15 year old girl (aka I was acting like Shelby). I haven't felt that starstruck like ever.


I have a huge research project due on Friday, I should be doing that, not this!
Riley fixed my computer. I have my computer!!
I offered to buy him a cup of coffee or something, and he said we can just call it even from the 150 dollars he owes me for a broken ipod he sold. Hmm, a cup of coffee vs. ipod?
Oh well, I have a computer again!

Oh shit, I have a baby!!

So the other night I had a disturbing and very vivid dream. In this dream I had... a baby. So in my dream I have a baby and then like a week later I remembered "Oh shit, I have a baby!! Where did I put that?"

My grandma had been watching him/her. When I first had the baby I named it something real cool, on some weird conscious level I remember thinking that once I wake up from this dream I should be aware of that name because it was cool. But I couldn't remember it in my dream. I was soo embarrassed because I couldn't remember my own babies name. I was doing that thing, like when you don't know someone your hanging out withs name so you try and get them to say it or whatever.

Then someone, in my dream, asked me who the father was and I was trying to convince them that there was no father because I have never had sex. My mom kept calling my a liar and said that I've obviously had sex and that is why I have a kid. Anyways, I am sitting there with a baby in my arms and I couldn't figure out why I didn't have any baby toys or like a crib. I was super annoyed, and I kept thinking, "Why the hell didn't I have a baby shower? People get all kinds of presents for their kids at baby showers!" So I had a baby and I didn't even know its name and I didn't have any toys or anything for it and I was super embarrassed about my ill preparedness and my mom was trying to convince everyone that I wasn't a virgin.

The weirdest part of all this is that the next morning, in a half awake half asleep daze I thought "Wow! A lot has been happening in my life recently, with the baby and all, I really should blog about this." It took me awhile to realize that I wasn't actually a mom.

So I am not that into dream analysis, but I definitely took that to mean that I am not ready to have a child and I am not ready to be engaging in activities that lead to having children. Well maybe it didn't necessarily mean that, but it was vivid and scary enough to make me steer clear of all things that lead to have babies.


Thanksgiving this year was surprisingly uneventful. No fights or anything, well at least not until the next day! Good job family! We did it! Lauren Haile came to visit and celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. It was awesome! We made tofurky.

I've watched enough television today to last me the next three weeks. It's amazing what I'll do to avoid research. When I watched the entirety of White Chicks I knew I needed to do something more productive for awhile. So now I'm blogging.

I'm tired and want to go to bed. Edmonds and Olympia are colliding are a rate that might end with sand storms and acid rain. But I mean that in the best way possible.

All Freaking Night!

I slept in till 7:30pm tonight, and before you judge let me say that I was up till 9:30 this morning after spending all night watching horror movies at All Freaking Night. It was definitely an evening that I can only describe as Xtreme! It consists of watching 5 horror movies at Capital Theatre from midnight till the next morning. We got all kinds of energy drinks
 candy, and junk food and flipping partied. Some of my friends snuck in alcohol using flasks (which in my opinion is a little dramatic). During the first movie especially, we were all yelling at the screen and being way too obnoxious. It was great, everyone there was really into it. It reminded me of rocky horror picture show, but all the funny little quips where all made up on the spot, opposed to being memorized. Before our friends got their Jaden and I attempted to save seats for everyone so we all could sit together. The only problem is that there were like 20 ish people who we had to save spots for, so we had this huge area that also happened to be in the best seats in the house (two front rows of the balcony). We were like fighting people off our really good spot. Jaden was awesome, people would walk over to our area and she would be like "these spots are reserved," hella awesome! 

I realized while contemplating my decision to watch horror movies for 8 hours that I don't actually like the majority of those kinds of movies. I spent a great deal of the night wondering around the theatre and hanging out with friends. Lets reviews the films:

Invaders from Mars: Silly willy tale about a 12 year old boy whose parents have been taken over by aliens. He eventually gets help from the Army and they tag team the hell out of those Alien bastards. Oh and him and the hot school nurse have a ris-kay relationship that deve

lops throughout the story. The movie was fun and goofy. I liked it.

House by the Cemetery: An Italian film about this family that moves into a house and its like either haunted or their haunted or something of the sort. I wasn't exactly paying attention, but I did gather that the name freudstein was important. There were a few characters in this movie that as far as I can tell had absolutely no purpose or back story, they w

ere just there. Basically what I gathered from this movie: dolls are creepy, wholesome values, and NEVER GO IN THE BASEMENT. 

Tokyo Gore Police: This was probably the film my friends were most excited about. The name (shockingly) does not give justice to the amount of gore in this movie. It was about this woman whose dad died while he was a police officer, so she became a hella bas ass police officer who tore people the fuck up. She specialized in killing "Engineers," which are mutant people. It was really graphic and disturbing. I only watched it for like a half on hour till Corbin, Freddy, and I decided to sit outside. 

The damaged brain (or something or other): Some kid had some tragic thing happen so now he's crazy and murders people. I don't actually know this from watching the movie, more from reading the description. I was in the theatre for the majority of the time the movie was on, but I was not paying attention at all! I remember a scene were some harry dude was macking on some lady on a boat. That's about it. I talked about punk rock a whole bunch with Jaden

 and Zak during this bad film. We didn't stay for the last movie. It was eight in the morning and we went to Darbies for breakfast. 2 egg breakfast, eggs over medium with cheddar cheese, english muffin and a cup of coffee. 

I got home around 9:30. I slept for 10 hours and it felt awesome.     

 

Where do I belong?

I have been attending the Olympia Film Festival in the last couple days. I have seen some pretty great work. It has inspired me to submit the film I made last year to more (or any) festivals. I spent a lot of time on it and I should be circulating it. I was searching for film festivals, and I become very aware that maybe some festivals wouldn't like mine because it is "too Christian" so I searched for Christian film festivals. I realized my film is waayyy to experimental and critical for Christian film festivals (or at least thats the way it seems). This festivals submission requirements are enough to scare me away. The Ten Commandments of Submitting films? Commandment 4 especially makes me nervous, oh and 7. I am not so much worried that my film violates these rules, I just don't think I want to be apart of that sort of community. Actually now that I think of it, they probably wouldn't appreciate someone shooting up the sacraments like shown in my video.  

Where do I belong?

Really Tasha?

I just got all teary eyed watching Wife Swap. The mom from the Jewish Orthodox family and the grandmother from the Evangelical Christian family reconciled their tension and validated each others beliefs. 

Maybe we all need to go on Wife Swap. 

Tonight is the election. The first election I have been old enough to vote in. This is a huge deal that is going to change a lot. 

So I voted. 

Now no one can yell at me tonight if they don't like the outcome. It isn't due to my apathy. 

I should be more anxious about tonight.

But I'm not.

Meh.

I Remember Halloween...

Friday was Halloween. I went dressed as a dead lumber jack. I thought my costume was pretty convincing. There were times when I saw people who I knew, and they didn't recognize me. The festivities of the night were rather typical. It started with all us ladies going over to Celena's and Amanda's place and getting ready together. We were all sharing makeup and mirror space. I know that a lot of girls are like this every time they go out, but I usually only join in with such activities when it is dead makeup being applied. Then, once everyone was ready we had a little photo shoot in the living room. It was pretty silly. My gang for the night consisted of Jaden, Celena, Lauren, Amanda, and Jana. In the bunch we had 4 zombies, a panda, and a kitty cat. Celena and Amanda, who represented the animal costume faction, were so adorable. I was apparently was the stand in date for all my lady friends because I was dressed like a dude. Celena and Amanda live in a good neighborhood for trick or treating, so we were able to pass out candy to adorable little kids. This one girl was wearing leopard print stretch pants and around her neck she had lots of crucifixes and rosaries. I asked what she was dressed as and she confidently responded "I'm a defender of the faith." 

After we left, we went to this party. It was alright. I didn't really know anyone there, other than the in the Olympia way. In Olympia I usually "know" like 70% percent of the people at any party or gathering, but we choose to ignore each other. 

So we are at this party and there was some dancing and pumpkin pie. After about an hour we left and went to this party on Steam boat Island. It was pretty huge. We had to park pretty far away, like 3 blocks or something, the streets were lined with cars. then we were walking down this long drive way that was lit up by glow sticks. It was kind of eerie. Once we finally reach the house, it took me a while to orientate myself. After a few minutes I found a bunch of friends and it was a fun party. I wasn't drinking, but there you could buy a cup for ten dollars and they glowed in the dark. There were tons of people everywhere. I had a lot of good friends who were there, it was great. A lot of the people I came with were pretty wasted at this point. After a few hours of hanging out, I decided to go downstairs and listen to the band. It was a Misfits cover band. It has reminiscent of being 15. The band was screaming obscenities at the audience and I was getting in shoving matches with people significantly bigger than me. After a few songs, I was dancing and I think I brought my hand down on a wine glass, I am not sure, but all of a sudden I was bleeding. I ran upstairs and to the kitchen sink. I was freaking out a little because I wasn't sure how bad I was hurt and all of my friends were no where to be seen. 

This guy, I am not sure how we was involved, but he ran over and started helping me. He tried finding a towel, but failed, so he told me I needed to take off my shirt (let me start out saying that I had a tank top, a long sleeve, and a flannel on.) So I begin to attempt to take off my flannel, but due to the fact my hand was bleeding, I was unable. So, this dude who was helping me started unbuttoning my shirt, it was awkward. Then he tried wrapping it around my hand, but I wouldn't let him because it was Charlie's shirt, so continued to take off my next shirt, which was also incredibly awkward also. So once my hand was wrapped in my old RA long sleeve, this guy sat me on the couch and told me I needed to quit drinking (which was hella annoying because I was completely sober). I called a friend who was at the party and told her I needed to leave. 

After rounding up all my friends I headed to my house to more closely investigate my wound. I decided it looked deep and so we went to the ER. It was just Celena and I, but Charlie and Riley met up with us. It was pretty fun as far as emergency rooms go. After they numbed my finger up all good like, it was awesome to watch the stitches get sewn in. We all got home shortly after 4. So sleepy. I slept in till like 2:30 the next day. 

Although getting injured sucks, especially because I don't have health insurance and it will be tremendously expensive, it is hella PR in like a 15 year old way. I got my first stitches when I cut my hand on a wine glass while thrashing to a Misfits cover band on Halloween. I mean, thats pretty awesome!

Nature of Faith

If you run, he will chase you.

I want to be woken up. I want to know that life has meaning and I am purposeful. I can't just be here due to some cosmic coincidence. I guess my doubts with faith can also just be seen as asking the questions know one has answers to. Why am I here? What am I supposed to be fulfilling while I am here on this earth? Life is so much bigger than myself, this country, this world, this plane of existence. Thinking of big things scares me. Thinking of how little control any of us really has frightens the hell out of me. 

I want to trust that God has a plan, and not just for me, but for the world. 

Isn't the nature of faith believing without tangible evidence? 

I worked for 10 straight hours today. I also got a raise. 25 cents an hour. I am doing well in school. I feel really prepared for my up coming project. I lead bible study tonight, I was rather put together and did a good job. 

But what does any of these things have to do with any thing big or lasting?

Can God really care about each individual? Could God possibly not care about everyone? 

I just want to sing indie music to an acoustic guitar and cry a little bit. 

I am not even sad. I just want to feel overwhelmed with emotion. 

I want to overflow with joy, and pain.

I have been keeping an image diary thing. It will apparently make me a better artist.

I want to see truth, beauty, and significance. 

Then I want to right it down in a dorky little notebook I keep in my back pocket.

Yep, sleep time!

Shower/Do Laundry/Sleep

Ash Ketchum?

Dead Lumber Jack?

Banana Grabber?

Halloween is just a few days away, and I have no plans and I don't have a costume. Jaden and I want to go trick or treating. Who wants to come? 

I have recently remembered how much I love South Park. Like, I don't think any other show makes me laugh any harder than other show. It may make me laugh more than the Office. When will Pam hurry up and cheat on Jim? I need some drama.  

Everyone in my house has been sick recently, but I refuse to let myself get sick. If I got sick I would be so sad. 

I need to shower/do laundry/sleep. 

All at once!

I am obviously referring to 'Man' like as in people

I showed up to work at 8:01, this is one minute later than I am supposed to show up for work. There is a sign on the door that says "Center Closed, No Water." ... Huh. I go inside and I am told that the Child Care Center has no water, like the valve or whatever broke. No water, no baby watching. The downside for me of course is that I have nothing to do. They tell me I might as well go home. GO HOME!?! I live 5 miles away and don't have a car. Not only that, I made Laurel get up and drive me an hour earlier than she needed to be to school. Now I am sitting around, in the Mac Lounge, killing time. Killing time?? I don't have anything to do until 8 o clock tonight!

I am pretty tired. I got around 6 hours of sleep, so I am not doing too bad. According to Nathan's standards I got more than a full nights rest. I obviously prefer a good 8-9 hours. Nathan and Jaden spent the night last night. I was super dorky and went to bed at midnight, they got to stay up late and have fun. 

I am excited about bible study. Laurel led today for the first time. She... nailed it! 

I want to be a banana grabber.

Its weird how in the bible, things that are of man are often the antithesis of things that are of God. Almost as though they are opposites. First of all is anything that binary, although I must recognize that my understanding of God can't be binary because of my inability to comprehend something so grand, but can things really be of either man or God? But anyways, Jesus is referred to as the 'Son of Man' and the 'Son of God'. So, the term Son of God was a very political term back in those times, it was believed that the king ruling the Roman empire was the Son of God, they were in power due to divine intervention. The messiah was supposed to be the king of the Israelites, freeing them from the tyranny of the empire by restoring God's 'chosen' land to God's 'chosen' people. Obviously Jesus preached a messaged that spoke of a kingdom without borders and was a homeless Rabbi for most of his life, not much of a conquering king. By acknowledging him as the Son of God, his followers were pledging allegiance to him opposed to Caesar. So, it wasn't until Jesus asked his disciples who they believed him to be, and Simon Peter answered 'The Christ, the Son of the living God' that Jesus acknowledges that he is seen in the right light. So how can Jesus be son of God and son of man? Aren't these things at war with each other? Aren't these things contradicting each other? This doesn't seem like a binary God, but obviously there are things that aren't of God right?? 

Bleh, random mumblings.

I want to step out of the boat.

__________ If I ask for help, will someone reach out and catch me?  

It seems like it is really easy to have sex

I haven't blogged for awhile. I probably have excuses, but I am too lazy to list them. I went and saw Lauren Winners at this church in Seattle. She is a Christian writer that talks a lot about gender issues relating to the bible. She was talking about the Trinity and how it is all about relationships that are equal and peaceful and that our relationships should reflect this. So, gender relations should be equal and peaceful. I really enjoyed, although it was very academic, and less inspiring. I feel like some people, when giving a talk, have mastered the art of persuasion, they know what to say and when to say it, in order to drive home a point. I don't think this is dishonest at all, I just think it is very intentional. For example, I really enjoy listening to the sermons of Rob Bell, I think he is incredibly insightful and wise, truly inspiring. I do believe that the reason he is so inspiring is because he knows how to be inspiring. Lauren Winners, although obviously very intelligent, wasn't trying to inspire or convince me of anything. She was including all the details, even if they didn't necessarily reinforce her point. She didn't say what I wanted (or needed) to hear. She just displayed the facts. 

I started reading one of her books, it isn't really written with the same blatant display of facts. I am not far into it, but I like it so far. It is kind of depressing so far though. It is all about Christian relationships and chastity. It was displaying a bunch of facts and stuff about high school and college aged kids, and they are all having sex. Even in (especially in) the Christian communities. Why is lust so hard? Why is it that even people who are committed to living their lives for Christ can't seem to avoid falling into the pressures of having sex. People can avoid drinking and doing drugs, they can show up to church every Sunday, but sexual sin seems unavoidable. I mean it obviously isn't, their are plenty of people who don't have sex till marriage, it just seems like a lot of people who seem to want to wait, can't. I mean I have bowed to the pressure of intimacy, and I consider myself to be a pretty strong willed individual. I just don't like that 14 and 15 year olds are having sex, they aren't able to mentally process those kinds of decisions. Lauren Winners was talking about how the church portrays sex in a really damaging way. They make it seem like all guys want is sex, and don't have emotions, and girls don't have sex drives, they just like doing their hair. neither of these things are true. Guys want emotional security and girls sometimes want to get laid. 

Whaaahh, enough whinning. I just want people to be healthy. I want to be healthy. I want the kids at the Jeremiah Center to know that they are beautiful and don't need to have sex to feel valued. I want to know that I am beautiful and I don't need to have sex to feel valued. 

Twin Peaks!! I want to be done blogging so that I can watch Twin Peaks. I want to be like Dale Cooper and eat pie and drink black coffee and solve murder mysteries. One day. 

one day.

I have had waaaayy too much coffee and not nearly enough food today. I'm all shaky. 

I have friends over, I am getting off the computer. 

ps. friends and loved ones, make good decisions and live more healthy, and encourage me to live better. 

... but I still have time to blog?

Week two. I am already feeling it. 

I am so fricking busy. I work till 5:30 Monday and Tuesday and then I work till 4:30 on Wednesday. I have class till 4 on Thursday and Friday. On Tuesday and Wednesday evenings I am pretty occupied with bible study and leaders meetings. Every other Saturday and Sunday I am busing too and from Edmonds to go the Kazba. And I still have an expected 30 hours of homework every week. I love / need to do all things. If I could get rid of one of those things on my schedule I would like it to be my job. I like working at the day care, but I hate working. Maybe someone can give me like 600 hundred dollars a month, so I don't have to work so hard. I want to take out a loan, if I just took out a loan, I could work less and have more fun!! Is that irresponsible?  

The problem with me being so busy is I start to neglect people. I haven't called my mom, shelby or Daniel since I've been back to Olympia, not because I don't want to talk to them, I just have been tremendously busy. I mean last night I went to a show, so I was having fun, but still. ps, the show was great, Paul Barribeau and Kickball. I also haven't hung out with people in such a long time. I haven't seen Riley on purpose (as in except on accidently running into him on campus) in a few weeks. I'll be better I promise. Don't lose hope!

I am listening to the Decemberists on vinyl. It is awesome, except Charlie's record player is all too fast so Colin Meloy's voice is a little too high pitched. I've almost gotten used it to, I think. Only two more months till the show. I haven't been like excited for some epic show in a long time. Most of the bands I listen to are local bands that play every other week, so every time I see them, although good, just isn't that excited. Like I would easily miss it if I had homework or felt tired or something. Not this show, not only did I pay 43 dollars 3 1/2 months in advance, but I plan on showing up disgustingly early and waiting in line so that I will definitely be in the very very front! Woot! It reminds me of being 15. Although I don't know if I've ever been to a show this big and been really into it, maybe Blink 182 when I was 13. 

I have to go to work now. 

Don't give up on me.

I'll shape up. 

soon.

KAZBA!

First Saturday Kazba of the year!
It was soo good. People were actually watching the bands and getting into it. I am feeling good about this. I am always so torn when I am in Edmonds. I love it so much and I know I am supposed to be here, but on the other hand I love Olympia, and I know I am supposed to be there. Wahhh, life is hard.

I think I might (actually) start a blog about faith. Hopefully, I am sure it would be more possible if my computer was fixed. but, for those who would give a damn, I'll keep you posted. I am reading Rob Bell's book, it is inspiring me.

My bus ride was made significantly shorter due to my lovely roommate Laurel who gave me a ride to Tacoma. It literally saved me like 45 minutes. It just seemed soo much shorter.

Now I am going to sleep.

very SADD

Everyone wants me to vote. I don't really want to. This is usually how it goes, "YOU NEED TO VOTE, YOU NEED TO VOTE, OMG YOU ARE AMERICAN, VOTE VOTE VOTE!" When it actuality I believe they mean, "VOTE VOTE, YOU NEED TO VOTE FOR OBAMA, YOUR AMERICAN, VOTE FOR OBAMA, VOTE FOR OBAMA." Maybe not Charlie, I think he actually just wants me to vote, but everyone wants me to vote for their candidate. I don't know if thats the point. 

Reasons why I am not voting:

1) To piss of my friends

2) In order to avoid supporting someone who I don't actually support

3) To protest the two party system

4) I don't want to make a decision that is uneducated, and it would be uneducated

5) I don't think it would make a huge difference, because Washington will go blue anyways

6) The Office was cancelled because of the Vice Presidential debate

So, whether or not my decision changes in the next few weeks is up to me, so stop trying to convince me otherwise. Ahh. 

It rained today :(

Olympia is sad when it rains. Its very SADD

Sara Palin just said "Thats darn right" and "Joe Six Pack" during the debate. Joe Six Pack? What the fuck does that mean? Like a six pack of beer, or like ripped abs? 

We decided to watch the debate on KCTS, their were many options. Okay, I've heard two "darns" so far. 

I want to watch Twin Peaks, that seems much more relevant to my life. 

"Raise Takis, oh I mean Taxes" - Biden

"I am not going to go off the questions the moderator asks" - Palin

Who killed Laura Palmer?

I doubt I am supposed to be blogging at work...

I am at work right now. I am covering someones break at the front desk, so I get to play away on the internet for 15 minutes and answer some phones. So, I love my job and totally feel great whenever I am working, but I guess I am just tired of working in general (right, like day 3). I just want someone else to pay my rent and buy me food, is that too much to ask? I just want to worry about school, bible study, and the Kazba. A job just occupies so much damn time. I am totally aware that this whining is hella annoying, everyone has to work Tasha, GET OVER IT!

Class starts tomorrow. October 2nd is too late for classes to start. I already feel too busy and one aspect of college (like the most important part) has not even started yet. I don't know why I am so pissy, well probably because I had to wake up early and work. But, this will be a good day.

Bible Study tonight!!?!@$! I want to take a nap before bible study so that I can be super into it. Talk about counting your blessings, this school year is going to be so good. We got a lot of great strong leaders and a great vision. We are splitting the group into two, which will be kinda weird. Caleb, Laurel, David and I in one. Deanna, Anya, Gus and Rachel in the other. And then Large group on Sundays.

Kazba has got 3 bands
Bible Study has enough leaders
I got enough hours at work
Heck, I even have rent money

Life is looking pretty good.

ps. I want to be excited about life, not apathetic. I just decided I should tell everyone so that they can encourage me to stop wasting so much time be annoying.

Act a Fool

Laurel has LimeWire, this is opening all new windows in my life. 

The first thing I downloaded was Ludacris, what does that say? 

I have been really into late 90s hip hop recently. 

Maybe my sister Katrina has a lot to do with this.

I am going to Edmonds tomorrow. 

Kazba adult staff training.

I keep blogging after long days where I am too tired to actually explain how my life is going. 

Charlie is back. I feel like my house is complete. I have to get up early. More later.

This really isn't worth reading

I got back from our Evergreen Jesus Folk leaders retreat today. It was definitely weird going to a retreat center with people from Evergreen. I have been to camps so similar in the past, many times. I guess the Evergreen Christian group has always done things so different than most other things I had been exposed to, mostly out of necessity. Last year our leaders retreat was for like a few hours and it was just a couple of us sitting in a living room. I feel like this year we actually have the opportunity to do things right. I am looking forward to having such a strong support of leaders.

The Office starts tomorrow. I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but it is, it really is. I love investing into TV shows, especially to the point where my mood is effected by what is happening in the show. 

I am so tired, all I want is to watch Project Runway and go to sleep :(

maybe ice cream will be in my near future.

I am still waiting for my letter

I get disappointed a lot. I hold people, events, locations, situations all to this high standard that often leaves me feeling empty or incomplete. Let me clarify that this isn't supposed to be an angst drenched blog because I am passive aggressively telling someone they have fucked up, because that isn't the case. I am actually very content with my current situation. Early today Laurel and I were talking about Christians and how a lot of churches are kind of lame to go to and I mentioned how I wanted to go to Grand Rapids, Michigan (which is the location of Mars Hill Bible Church where Rob Bell is the pastor, which in case you didn't know, I love Rob Bell and everything he touches and I am a little obsessed). I quickly retracted that thought, I said "Actually it would probably just be a big disappointment." I feel like thats what I have come to expect from my life. That band did eventual sell out, Haight and Ashbury was as just as commercial and uninspiring as everywhere else, the charming boy ended up just being an asshole, and the seemingly perfect situations have a sad ending. I feel like most happy endings have to evolve from tragic events. I want the story where someone expects something and then they receive that and keep on living their lives. 

I mean, I get that struggle equals growth and that there is a lot of good in experiencing things that prove too difficult, but that must be different than just assuming things are going to suck. Why should I assume that going to Grand Rapids, Michigan to go to Rob Bell's church would be a big stinking disappointment? Maybe it is less about the actual result and more in how I tend to over romanticize. I think adventure is like this; we all seek some sort of life changing adventure that has romance and danger, but in the end we return to our cookie cutter life styles, just a little bit cooler. I watch movies and read stories and wish my life could be as magical and promising as the characters I relate with most. I am still waiting for my letter from Hogwarts. 

Maybe fulfilling things don't happen in the climax of adventure. Maybe to truly have experiences that are life changing and fulfilling, we must change our minds about how we want our lives to change. I live my life with a certain idea of who I am and who I want to be, and I obviously make decisions that attempt to further my development in embodying the individual I seek to be, but deep down I think we all know who we want to be, which is remarkably different than who we think we should be. 

I want to be hella punk. I want to be in a band and party all the time. I want people to look at me and envy the life I have. I want to go on tour and meet new people every night. I want to live a life free from stress and bills and obligations that weigh down the rest of America. 

I know I don't actually want to live a life that consists of partying and being cool, because in the end their is no value in that. But, despite knowing what will make me truly happy, their is still apart of me that wants to be someone who I am not and should not be.

I want to go to Grand Rapids and meet Rob Bell and for him to think I am really cool. I want him to ask me to direct Nooma videos. I want to be intellectual and to know what everything means in Greek and Hebrew.

I want to be an artist.

I want to be a successfully small business owner.

I want to be a mother.

I want to be a pastor.

I want to inspire a generation to be punk rock!

I want to inspire a generation to reject gender roles.

I want to inspire a generation to live their lives for God.

I want to be more awesome than I am capable.

__________ I am afraid that, in the end, I will disappoint. 

PORT to the Dot to the COM

The beach cabin is kind of gloomy today. It is very grey. The beach cabin definitely shines when the weather is nice. I not looking forward to the winter. I don't know why, but winters seem sooo much worse in Olympia than it ever did in Edmonds. I am getting more and more realistic about school starting. I am not going to have any free time! 

For my class this year I get to spend about 9 months working on a film. !!@!$#@! I have never spent more than 10 weeks on a single film. I am looking forward to the challenge I guess. I feel like this is going to be the single most serious thing I have ever done. I am not sure how much I want to take on. Last quarter I planned on making a video that was about 7 minutes long. Our faculty set a length limit to our projects, so no one was supposed to make a project that was longer than 10 minutes. I guess I felt like I had plenty of time and I could have easily make my piece longer. A lot of people in my class were super over ambitious and didn't even complete their projects. I definitely did not have that problem. I finished a week or so early, and I felt completely confident in what I produced. It became everything I wanted it to become. 

I want to really use my time this year because I have so many resources at Evergreen that I will never have again. What I was thinking about making is a narrative film that is anywhere from 30-45 minutes. The only problem is that in order to make a narrative film I need actors. I need a group of people who can commit to a. not changing their appearances for 3 months b. acting in the film 15ish hours a week c. be flexibly and work around my difficult schedule d. doing all of this for free. Anyone out there!!

The biggest downside to film is that it is so collaborative. It is fine doing collaborative work when there is a large group of people who are just as committed as I am. Unfortunately it is hard to get people super committed to something when you have your own class and work and really busy college life. 

If I had money I would pay people. At the NY film school the students learn theory for 3 years and then spend their senior year creating their masterpiece, but they don't have the technological background to run the cameras and lights and stuff, so they higher people to do all the technological aspects of film production (which is a pretty hugs part). My problem is that I have a hard time trusting anyone else. I want to run the cameras, do the lighting, do the editing, and every other aspect (except acting, or course). 

wahhh. Art is hard.

So you know those freecreditreport.com commercials where the guy sings? I like them. F to the R to the E to the E and C to the R to the E, DIT to the R to the E to the PORT to the dot to the com, everyone grab your bike and sing along!!!

Quality.

I need to unpack and set up my room today. I am kind of sleeping in a closet, by that I quiet literally mean I am sleeping in a closet. I am so into it! I am thinking maybe some Christmas lights. I kind of decorate my room like a 15 year old. I mostly think this because I have been decorating my room the same since I was 15. I haven't really been able to make my space my own since I got fired last year. I hadn't lived somewhere for more than two months since then, which really isn't enough time to unpack, knowing I am just going to to pack everything up in a few weeks.

I want everyone in Edmonds to come a visit me!

TESC IS A FACIST STATE :(

I just got an email from school. Aparently Greeners (allegedly) lit fire to some dumpsters and the shed near the Organic Farm. It seems as though they believe it was arson. What the hell is wrong with people. STOP VANDALIZING MY SCHOOL. No one is forcing you to attend this publiclly funded school, you choose to go here. If Evergreen is "the man" and that seems to distress you sooo much, than don't go to school here. I like Evergreen, that is why I choose to go here. Figure it out!

Follow Me!

So, fellow bloggers I have an idea! Blogger has a new gadget that allows you to "follow" blogs, and you an also add the blog list gadget. I know this may seem like a more complicated version of just have a links page, but it is much cooler. I think it is worth the extra time to set it up. But, it will only be more cool if we all do it. Oh, and if you don't have a blog, just make one already. Join the revolution.

Oh and also, just because I am such a nerd, I have a twitter. Its like a micro blog. This is another example of something that would be much cooler if more people had it. so make one.

Oh, and follow me.


So I rode my bike a whole bunch yesterday, like probably 15 miles all together. I feel real good about it. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it, but I figure I need to get in shape for riding too and from school. But, I guess the part that bothers me is that I feel like most people didn't think I could handle being one of those people, the people who rides there bikes a lot. I feel like if people who were more athletic looking told everyone there were going to start riding their bikes to and from school, they would be alot more supportive. Well for those who doubt me, you can suck it! (ps. if you want to give me a ride ever, I am totally willing.)


I need to stock a new band. The Pharmacy is moving to LA. I have probably seen them more than 25 times and I would go extremely out of my way to attend as many shows as possible. But now there are moving on to bigger and better things (LA sucks!) and I have to also move on. I am thinking it will be a lot easier for me to stock an Olympian band because I live in Oly 9 months out of the year. I want a band that is dancy that I can sing along to, and obviously a smaller band so that I can afford to go to every show.

Any ideas?

Typical Olympia

So I live in a vacation home. It is quite literally a family's place to go on vacation. I was just there for like the last five days, and I felt like I was on vacation. I haven't lived somewhere in a long time where I can entertain guests and hang out. I know my house is definitely going to be kind of a bummer when the rains come, but whatever, everywhere in Oly is crappy in the winter. I know this sounds hella braggy (huh, I doubt that is a word), but I never really lived in a nice house before, and I guess I am just excited to be the girl who lives in the waterfront beach cabin for once. I mean, I am definitely getting it for a steal, I'm only paying 310 a month to live there, cheaper than most apartments in the Glen, but still, it is an amazing house.



I took the bus home from Olympia to Edmonds today (actually from Tacome because Lauren is a badass and gave me a ride). The bus is an extremely intimate experiance I was noticing. For over an hour I was sitting so close to this lady that we were definitely like touching the entire ride. We didn't talk, well not really. She said this is my stop, and then I got up and let her off the bus. For an entire hour we sat in such close vicinty that I could practically feel her breathing, and yet we didn't even exchange names or small talk. I kind of hate the bus sometimes.


I want to get a tattoo soon, like real soon. That is important to me. Maybe it is too expensive. Maybe I don't care if it is too expensive, I haven't decided yet.


I went to a show in Olympia a couple nights ago. It was a pretty standard Oly show. It was in a basement, there was a lot of drinking, I knew, one way or another, like half the people there, and the Hail Seizures played. Very typical Olympia. I realized how much I miss shows and how important they are to me. I saw lots of bands, but I was especially into Chin up Meriwether. I feel like I could get really into them. I got the CD! A downside to my beach cabin is that it is real far from down town and it is totally scary to bike at night. I guess I'll be crashing at Matt Louv's and Amanda/Celena's place a lot (thats what you get when you live down town).

I want more Twin Peaks.


I am really saying nothing of value right now. I'm done.

religious cults, time travel, body snatching, and innappropriately timed puns

So, many people in my life have heard me advacate for local music. Maybe sometimes this advocation has been somewhat elitist and judgemental toward people who tend to like more "mainstream" music. Well I do like big bands and I do like bands that are very local and do not have a very big fan base. I guess it comes down to the fact that it is just plain old cheaper to like smaller bands. Their merchandise is cheaper, their CDs are cheaper, and most importantly, their shows are cheaper. I have really bad priorities, so if a band I like is playing in town, I will do whatever I can in my power to go to the show. When I see local bands I have to pitch out like 5 bucks to indulge in several hours of music. When a bigger band I like a lot comes to town my wallet seems to get so much lighter, like last night when I dropped 43 dollars to see the Decemberists.







yep.











It better be pretty damn cool. I don't think I have ever spent this much to see a band before.











I am moving to Olympia soon. I don't know what soon means, but I am doing it. Life is in transition. I have recently had some time to reflect on the recent months in my life, which is something I haven't been able to do because I hadn't spent any quality time by myself in awhile. Well, I came to realize something interesting. All summer I have been striving for good solid community and friendships that will hold me up and help me live a better life. I have definitely been blessed in my life with amazing people, and I am so greatful. But anyways, I started involving myself with the Jeremiah Center in November of my junior year of high school. I would say for the first 4-5 months I really only went because I liked the people, it had nothing to do with God. In spring of my junior year I started to think more deeply about faith, at that point in my life I thought organized religion wasn't punk rock and that God was nothing more than a pretty good idea. Well I started to wonder what was so capitvating about God, and well I will spare you all the details about how I came to faith, but I started to love and follow God the summer between my junior and senior year. That next fall I was on the leadership team. Then I went to college, and although I wasn't a leader for our christian group, I was probably one of the most invested students (out of the three). I hosted bible study, I helped plan events, I took on the weight of alot of the aspects of bible study. My sophomore year of school I became a bible study leader. Now this most recent summer I was in intern at the Jeremiah Center.





For almost my entire faith life I have been in leadership positions. I like being a leader, and I think I am kind of good at it, but I think I am ready to be lead for awhile.






There is this show I like, its called the 4400. It is hella nerdy. It is about all these people who have been abducted over the last 60 years and then all of a sudden in a big ball of light they are returned, each them hasn't aged a day. Some start to develop abilities (like X-men style). Well this show is full of exacting antics including religious cults, time travel, body snatching, and innappropriately timed puns usually about horrific things like death of loss. Its a great show. Well anyways, there are lik 4 seasons and I had only seen the first two. My family bought the third and fourth season so over the last couple days I had watched the entirety if the series. I get to the last episode of the last season and the end the series on a huge cliff hanger. !!??!?!?#?%?(*!*!!, I went to the website and it turns out that the show had at least to more seasons planned out, but was canceled because the writers strike was too financially burdensome and it was getting good enough ratings.

Dumb.

This is the first time I have felt personally effected by the writers strike.



They better make a movie.

Why aren't you in Denver?

How long can I avoid cleaning out my desk?



I'm going to Olympia this weekend. I haven't been there in a long time. I don't think I have gone this long without stepping foot in Olympia since my first day of school. It isn't that I haven't wanted to go at all this summer, mostly it was due to a total lack of time. I haven't even gone camping this summer (except for work). It will be interesting to take a short break from this place. I think it will put things in perspective. I am really excited to be in Olympia for the weekend, I feel like a huge part of who I am resides in the boundaries of Oly and I need to reconnect with that.


So, when I am in Olympia my late night heart can only go to one establishment, and that is the Reef. But unfortunately when I am in Edmonds I can not go to the Reef, and the options are limited. There is no cool, independently owned alternative for me to enjoy late night coffee. Really my only two options are Shari's and Denny's. I really think both have there ups and downs, but for some reason everyone in Edmonds much prefers going to Sharis, like its classy or something, so I haven't been to Denny's too much this summer. Toward the end of the school year after a camping trip, a few of us ate at Denny's and saw (a somewhat pathetic) attempt to cater to a younger, hipper crowd. I saw the first attempts at a late night menu, which included food like Potachos (which are nachos with potato chips). But you know, I gave them cred for trying. The advertising for this late night Denny's look was also kind of laughable. The slogan was "Nothing exciting happens after midnight, except Denny's" and the color scheme was very youthful and edgy. Well anyways, the thoughts of late night Denny's and Potachos had pretty much escaped me, when I ran across some interesting article on the internet. Denny's has a new Rockstar Menu which includes dishes that were designed by different bands. And not only were they inspired by mediocre pop punk bands whose fan base is made up 13 year old girls who read teen bop, but the menu items are referred to as Taking Back Bacon Burger Fries (Taking Back Sunday), Plain White shake (Plain White T's), and the All American SOS (The All American Rejects). I thought Denny's had used all of its pun creativity when naming "Moons over my Hammy". And that isn't even the bulk of all the edgy changes Denny's is making. They are playing "cool" music at the night time, and the waiters are going to be wearing jeans and t shirts.

Denny's is hella PR
I think my mom is right, we are in end times.

So apparently my mom is the new hard hitting political investigator. She works at the QFC in Edmonds and Maria Cantwell came into the store yesterday, which isn't a big deal, she shops there all the time. Well anyways my mom and Maria were talking, like they do often because they have a somewhat familiar relationship. Anyways as my mom was recounting this story to me tells me that she asks Maria Cantwell "So why aren't you in Denver?" Maria answers "I was, I got in today, I just prefer to watch it on TV." My mom asks the hard questions. Her words, not mine.

No seriously its this big...

Today that huge ass fish was caught using that barbie brand fishing rod.

That cat fish is record breaking.






Have any of you caught a fish this big?

I didn't think so Matt Louv.

"So here is a picture I drew!"

Today was the last Kazba of summer 2008. Something I've thought about over the last couple weeks is how to say good bye. When I was younger, like in high school, I was all about the hella sentimental good byes. I was generally really effected when each intern no longer was employed by the Jeremiah Center and they were no longer a major part of my everyday life. When I was younger I really struggled with these individuals who, seemingly effortlessly, could detach from a community that they had invested themselves into for three months. I was so influenced by there presence at the JC I assumed they would need some dramatic send off.

What I've learned is that unfortunetly it is much easier for a college student to say good bye. We've had to so many times. At 18 years of age I had to say good bye to everyone whom I loved and cared about and I uprooted my entire life and moved to an unfamiliar place. I was a lucky college student because I only moved an hour and a half away. College students are currently moving and saying good bye. It becomes such a way of life. For those readers out there who I go to college with, remember after Freshmen year how big of a deal moving back home was. We were all so unsettled by the fact we were leaving the communities we had been apart of for 9 months, but by the time Sophomore year came around, we were like "Whatever, I'll see ya in a couple months." We have become numb to the pain of leaving our established communities, (or maybe we have become more realistic about it not being that big of a deal). So past college student interns aren't huge ass holes who only pretended to love the kids they served, they have just had a lot of practice. We've had to say good bye to so many different communities in our short lifes, that saying good bye one more time is a part of the ruitine. It's a little different for me, because I am not really leaving. I am going to continue to volunteer at the Kazba while I reside in Olympia. My fellow intern Eric doesn't have that oppertunity, he lives in minnesota during the school year. He can't come back as easily as I can.

How do I make it clear that I have learned so much and experianced so many great things during my internship. How do I make it clear that I have had a life changing summer and I will never forget the amazing people who make up the patrons and staff of the Jeremiah Center. I don't know how to make that clear.

When Chris and Gina moved I had a similar experience. When I found out they were moving to Kentucky I didn't know how to react. They were both a huge part of my life and have influenced who I am today. I wasn't angry (like some). I just didn't know how to react. After I finally talked to them, I thought about making them something or doing some sort of good bye present, and well everything I thought of just seemed so trivial. "Hey you are really important to who I am today and now your leaving so I thought I would give you something to symbolize how important you are to me, so here is a picture I drew!" Everything seemed insignifcant and almost offensive to their memory.

I want people to know I am going to miss them and that they are important. I just have to say that so often these days, its starting to wear on me. I guess I should (and need to) look at this predictament as a great thing. Not everyone gets the oppertunity to have such different and diverse communities to love and to identitfy with.




I just wish Edmonds and Olympia weren't so damn far away.


I am thinking about starting a new blog. I mean, still being a loyal blog poster here on "I never knew a revolutionary who was afraid to dance" But also commiting to another. I am really good at over commiting myself, so my not. I want to start a Blog about Faith and God and all the things I think about and wrestle with in regards to this extremely important part of my life. Alot of this includes that, and it will continue to because this blog is about my life and well Jesus is apart of my life. I haven't decided yet if I want to do it. Daniel thinks I should call it my "God Blog."


I'll keep brainstorming a name!

Remain in Limbo

Temporary

This is a word I've been using recently to describe my life. I am sure every college student can use this word. That is just part of the whole college experience. Lets look over some numbers, just so we can see just how damn temporary my life has been.

I moved to the Evergreen State College, into room A418
I became an RA and moved into B building
I moved home for the summer into the house on 220th
We got evicted, I moved into an apartment with my mommy
I moved back to school, C building
I got fired from that RA job and moved into an apartment with Nathan
(I won't even count the time I spent without home)
I moved in with my sister for the summer
we got evicted, I moved in with my mom
In a month I m moving back to Olympia

In the last two years I have lived in 8 places, it will be 9 here real soon. I have also had four different jobs. My life has been unpredictable to say the least.

It's hard investing into situations that are temporary. Why decorate your room when your only living somewhere for 8 weeks? I have really struggled with how to deal with the temporary. A simple answer (which I have greatly considered) is cutting out one of the two pulling forces in my life. I am constantly living in this limbo between Olympia and Edmonds. I cannot completely invest in one until I can let go of the other. When I was at school I thought that after this summer I would never come back to Edmonds long term. I would stake permenant residency in Olympia. During internship I greatly considered not returning to school and continuing to invest in this community. What I have come to realize is that I am not ready to let go of either community. I need to finish school and I am so excited about the people I will be in community with next year at school, I also can not deny a community that has made me who I am today. The Jeremiah Center is a community I love and cannot live without.

What does this mean?______________________
__________________________More temporary.


Last week at Salt and Light: Sunday Night we studied the passage that basically says; do not store up treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But store up your treasures in Heaven where moth and rust do not detroy and where theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is your heart will be also. As usual I didn't prepare a ton for this bible study. But as I was leading I had one of those Aha! moments that are so revered. Treasures on earth are destroyed by moths and rust and get stolen by thieves. Treasures on earth are easily taken away. Treasures on earth are temporary. This constant struggle with being temporary will continue to make me question my call and rediscover where God wants me to be. If my treasures are not temporary, than my heart will also not be temporary. Maybe I can love two communities that are a hundred miles apart.

How can I make lasting treasures, treasures that are stored in Heaven. I need to invest in the lasting. I need to stake my identity in the acountable. I need to give my heart to the permenant. I have been blessed with two, very different, communities. I want to love and serve them both.





I need to remain in Limbo__________________
______________________for at least a little bit longer.

All they need is a shower and I could move in...

My life has been the Jeremiah Center for the last two months. This statement is not made out of spite or disappointment. If anything it is said out of joy! but nonetheless, I live and breath the Jeremiah Center. I know that in a few short weeks I am not going to be able to live and breath JC anymore. I am going to move to Olympia, go to school full time, and work part time, so I will obviously be preoccupied. I still plan on remaining invested in this community when I can. I just realized how weird it is going to be not to be at the JC all the time. I can probably count the days on one hand this entire summer that I haven't either been at the Jeremiah Center or somewhere else with a group from the Jeremiah Center on a trip.

I don't know if I am ready to be done.

I'm gonna lose... MY FREAKING MIND!

I got punked.

I walk into my office today and in the middle of the coffee table is a plate of Jello, and in the middle was the Harry Potter action figure I keep on my desk.

Next to it was a note saying "Jim tried playing a joke on you. He failed!
-Dwight aka Chris 3000

I am still not sure who the culprit was.
I can obviously expect Chris due the the incriminating note, but I have reason to believe it was someone else.

Never the less, it was the best way to start the work day ever.

While learning life is strange and people change and circle round again

I saw Pinneapple Express 4 hours ago. It was definitely a weird midnight showing, it seemed as though everyone was drunk or high who was at the theatre. People were laughing at all the wrong jokes. Whenever there was a blatant marijuana reference or someone got hit in the balls, everyone would be rolling with laughter, but whenever the characters where engaging in awkard, Apatow-esque banter, the crowd remained silent. I felt as though the movie was funny and enjoyable, but definitely didn't blow me away. As my friend Eric mentioned, whenever they was an empty moment they just added immature physical humor. "Blah haha ha, he just got hit in the head with something blunt!!" It followed a similar pattern as Super Bad, two friends are forced to realize how much they mean to each other through an epic journey, and at one point the friends are seperated and one of them must make the decision to put themselves on the line to help there platonic soul mates. The relationship between Seth Rogan's character and his girlfriend is pretty funny in this film because all in all it meant nothing, which I appreciated.

No stunning previews before the movie :(
The Dark Knight was better.



Today was rather drama filled. Luckilty I was generally removed from the specific things that went down, but none the less, it put a damper on my day. Imagine a world were everyone could be completely honst about their feelings and straight forard about their intentions. So much of being a human is using all aspects of who we are to manipulate the people around us. Why do subtlies tell our stories? I want to shout my story! Oh, and for anyone interested. Some may view the way in which I interact with the people in my life as fake or an attempt to fulfill my duties as an intern, and to some extent I do believe you need to set stricter boundaries for young people than adults, but let it be known that I act different because I am a changed person. Obviously I've grown and matured in my two years of college, and I can look back at my behavior as a high school student and reflect on the negativety. As I live and work in the Christian community associated with the Jeremiah Center, I hope to model a way of life, that through experiance, I believe glorify God. It is evident I am far from perfection and I never want to give the impression that I am without lust, selfishness, bitterness, and sin, but I will only encourage healthy lifestyles in this community. I would hope that a Christian community could be drenched with accountability and honesty, and I hope that as I fuck up (because I will) my community holds me to my actions. I don't slam down the iron fist because I'm an intern, I do it because I hold the Jeremiah Center community to a high standard that reflects God's love.

SLT retreat is this weekend and I am excited to see the future leaders of the Parish. I hope to love them and grow along side them (as much as possible from Olympia). But I am sure not going to lower my standards and expetations.

Be the leaders you are capable of being!!
The leaders God created you to be!!

Amen

Angel, won't you call me?

Hair cuts and high fives.

I played frisbee late last night with a light up disk. It was pretty amazing. It made me reminiscent of poor attempts at playing badminton in the dark. I had a glow in the dark frisbee, it really didn't work very well.

Daniel got me the Decemberists 5 songs EP, I am digging it.

apologies for hella emo blog posts. We all just need to whine sometimes!

...

Nothing is as it appears.

Seemingly perfect situations always disappoint.
People will always be human.

I guess the honeymoon stage is over.
I hope its not to late to wake up and face reality.

yep

So for those who don't know, I work at a youth center. This job includes putting on events for high schoolers. Now lets think about some of the worst things that can happen while putting on events for minors. Hum, well you could write down the wrong place and address on every flier, or you could take the bus with the kiddies and get them completely lost because you got on the wrong bus, or the best, someone could seriously injure themselves, like a broken foot.

Well so far an event I've put on has included all of these!!


Why the hell have I not been fired yet?

please don't disappoint

I guess it would only make sense that as I am changing rapidly through experiences and age, people who live an hour and a half north of me also go through similar changes. I guess the awkward part is when these two entities, who were once very familiar with each other grow and change completely separate from each other, then reunite. I once knew you and you once knew me. We can't understand the difference and are offended by it. "Well I am allowed to change and be different, but familiarity is comfortable, so please don't disappoint."

I am living in the past. But not an accurate representation of similar situations that have already come to pass, but a diluted sugar coated existence where I am wrongly remembering "the good ole days". Things have changed and I've changed. Of course I've changed. If I spent 2 years at college and didn't change, well that would be a waste.

Those who were once peers, are now proving less and less that they are up to the challenge. Maybe it was always tainted. Maybe I've been given eyes to see past high school bull shit. I hope so. It seems as though each community requires 100% of me and I don't have that to offer. I think I am being asked to sacrifice. I can't give myself fully to both so I must choose. Both need someone to commit to years of servitude and my specific gifts will come in handy with each.

Challenging the status quo is hard and I feel like I'm neglecting the inevitable.

Familiarity is comforting. That's why decisions are sometimes hard to make. I don't want to ignore a call because I'm afraid of what I'll hear. On the other hand, things can looking tempting from certain angles, yet reveal itself fully later on.

I have been in Olympia too long

Is Charlie right?

(well thats obviously not possible)

Is Edmonds a dangerous crime ridden city?

I always felt so sheltered growing up here. Like that the big city is miles away and I am stuck in a suburban bubble. I laughed at the notion that Edmonds was a dangerous community where you needed to lock the doors at night. I thought I was immortal in this town. But being in Olympia for so long has allowed me to be removed from this community and now I am more accurately able to reflect on it. So maybe it isn't normal to see people doing drug deals, maybe it isn't normal for most of the people I know to have warrants, maybe it isn't normal for the cops to visit my home once a week, maybe it isn't normal to live just blocks away from the hooker motels, and maybe its totally more interesting not to be normal.

So I might be in a little more "danger" than residents of La Conner, but my eventual goal is to leave the suburbs and stake my residency in the big city. I guess I can just consider all of this practice. And besides, a little edge is hella punk rock, which of course is always my goal.

I guess the weird thing about Edmonds is that although alot of citizens of this fine city are very familiar with "big city ways," I feel like about half are ridiculously sheltered. I mean it is almost a different experiance growing up a few blocks west of Highay 99, than it is living in downtown Edmonds.

Today is the birthday of this wonderful country.

meh.

I went to a Mariners game last night, it was pretty awesome. I mean the Mariners totally lost, which is lame, but this season I really wouldn't expect anything more. I saw this band LP and the BB and one of the guys has a kingdome tattoo. Badass. I want to get an oldschool Mariners hat, like blue and yellow one with the upside down trident.

Oh, I've been playing lots of fooseball. I love it!

cars are for earth killers and bikes are for posers!

So I am two weeks into my internship at the Jeremiah Center, and it is going amazing! I have an office, which is rad. I haven't been doing much of anything else. Some cool things I get to be apart of this summer include but not limited to: ultimate frisbee, bible study, weekday kazbas, VBS, yuck night, super heros vs super villans, and much much more! The one down side to this job is that it kind of sucks away my social life, which is okay, because I don't have much of a social life to begin with. Its pretty weird not being in Olympia. Although it is awesome being just a short(er) bus ride from Seattle. 

I want to go to What The Heck Fest this summer, but it isn't looking too good. Heck Fest is the weekend before VBS, which is looking like the busiest week of the summer. And well, I have a lot to prepare and need to be back early-ish on Sunday. I discovered last year while busing to and from Anacortes, it is impossible to bus out of Anacortes on a Sunday. Maybe if I could get a ride to Mount Vernon, it is a possibility. Well hopefully I can figure it out. So if anyone wants to go to Heck Fest this summer, lets do it!! I am probably going to get my ticket soon. 

Oh and in other good news. I am riding my bike all over the place now. It is awesome that riding my bike comes with this false sense of superiority over my fellow man. (I mean man as in people, not like the sex man. I know this is pretty sexist but I decided that fellow man sounded better than fellow person, so suck it!) But really  I feel so superior now, like I am going to save the planet and all you car drives are causing the demise of the planet. I feel as though I am single handedly solving global warming. Oh and I feel hella punk rock. No, I am serious, ride a bike. And not cause its better for the earth or better for your health, but because it allows you to be an elitist ass hole. Great feeling! I understand you Olympia! I finally understand. (By the way, if you have a car I will still thankfully accept rides anywhere because riding a bike is fucking tiring, oh and if anyone wants to give me a car and pay for my gas I'll ditch this fucking bike in a second.) 

Go Critical Mass!! Woot!

Back in Edmonds

Summer Goals:

Ride my bike
Accomplish all my work goals
Live cheaply and save up for next year
Do lots of arts and crafts
Reconnect with old friends
Spend more time with my family


I have commited to blogging again, although I don't have internet where I am living, I can figure it out. I am currently living with my sister Katrina, her boyfriend Ryan, and their friend Henry. I kind of feel like I am in a sitcom because of the different personalities living in and visiting our tiny apartment. Katrina and I are so different as it is. It should be a fun little experiment.

I started working at the Jeremiah Center. I have only worked for the past to days, but I am already really excited about it. The people I am working with are really encourging me to take a lot of leadership and to plan and live out my on goals for this summer.

I am still feeling a little awkward. Awkward at my apartment, and awkward at my job. I just need to get settled and figure out the flow of this summer. I already miss my Olympia friends. It is wierd for them not to be a block a way. Well my life is currently uninteresting, but the future looks bright!

I want to stencil right now.

its a sad sad truth

I know it has been a long time since I have blogged. I guess it is probably because I don't have the internet anymore. I am not in the business of lying to my beloved blog readers. I am probably not going to post much more until summer. But this summer, I can promise, will be full of amazing blog posts. Maybe even pictures!

Until then.

Good Bye!

Someone skins you and makes a jacket from your flesh

11 days,

I don't think I have gone 11 days without blogging since I started.
This should be some insight into what my last 4 days were like.


We finally got the apartment today, after nearly a week of homelessness, we got the damn apartment. We are kind of moving in. I mean we moved a couple things over, but really, we haven't done much. I should get on that soon.

I went to La Conner, WA this weekend to hang out with Charlie and his family. It was a lot of fun. When you meet a kid like Charlie, you assume he is this black sheep in some uppity family. Like he is so weird and obnoxious (I mean this in the best way possible) in an attempt to rebel against the calm and normal nature of the environment around him. This is a very untrue assumption. Everything about La Conner is just kind of off in a really intentional way. It is this quirky small town that just seems to fit him perfectly. And his family is no exception. His family all looks alike and have very similar mannerisms. It is absolutely funny how much Charlie fits into this quirky little bubble.

Nathan and I, on the other hand, didn't fit in so well. Charlie may be completely irrationally afraid of cities and roads that have more than two lanes, but La Conner resonates with all my completely logical fears of open spaces and lack of lights and people. On Friday night we wondered around the .5 miles of La Conner, and it was just creepy. At any moment, some deranged hick could decide he doesn't like "city folk" and jump out of the bushes and kill me. I made the point to Charlie and Nathan that, although in cities you get shot or maybe stabbed, but in small towns, someone skins you and makes a jacket from your flesh. Oh and the crazy serial killer is always the sheriff or something similar. I don't need this kind of pressure.

We also hung out in Anacortes for a long time. The backporch Cafe is closed. This was very bad news for me. Oh and Anacortes doesn't know ho to make a crossword puzzle for shit.

Bible study is going good. A lot of people showed up on Monday, it was awesome.


I heard some bad news. Some good friends and mentors are moving away in a few months. Its weird to calculate how much certain individuals effect you and your development, and without probably even realizing that they are making an impact. Well you will be missed and you ill not go unappreciated.

I led the Net a couple weeks ago. I think I did alright, it was definitely a lot harder than I thought it would be. A good learning experience if anything. It is something that I want to do again in the future. I am so excited about working at the Jeremiah Center this summer, it should be so much fun.

I probably should get back to moving. I have a lot to get done tonight, and all I want to do is sleep!

I got the Rob Bell DVD "Everything is Spiritual," I am pumped!




... until next time.

The worlds most intimidating critics... 1 yr olds

I started the new job this week. I am working at the child care center. It is awesome! At first I was super intimidated, but now it feels like such a great fit. The first day I was working with the ducklings, also known as the 1-2 year olds. They are a tough age, any younger than that and they just cry and poop, anyone older has a better grasp on communicating and it is much easier to play and whatnot. The one year olds pose the challenge of needed to be interacted with, but struggling to communicate how they want that interaction to look like. Ya look at them and say "HEY! WANNA PLAY BALL?!?!?!" They just look at you and stare, stare and look away. So awkward. Rejected. Within the first few hours on the job, I was interacting and playing with the kids. They fricking loved me. Today I was working with the baby babies. They intimidate me the most. So fragile. I am afraid of breaking them.

I also have been waking up really early, LAME!

Its kind of nice. Several people at my job have commented on good with kids I am. It feels nice to know I can do something right. The whole getting fired thing did wonders for the self esteem.


I am tired and have to move out tonight with no where to go.

Could maybe a nap be in order?

Only fools are positive...

First day of class.

I really enjoy my program and I am so excited about what I am going to be doing this quarter, but I am kind of jealous of people who are in new classes this quarter. It is so exciting, meeting new facility and new classmates. Today we just discussed briefly the schedule for this quarter and then we jumped right into watching animation and boring technology lectures.

I have a goal for this quarter. I want to be on time and show up every day. For some, this may seem like an easily obtainable goal, but it will definitely present a challenge for me. Last quarter I was late, a lot. And I had quite a few absences. No more! I am going to take school more seriously now.

In other news, I want to move mountains, or more like I want to believe God can move mountains. I want to read more of the bible. I want to pray more. I'll keep ya updated.

I bought this wooden owl from Goodwill. I like it a lot. I am not sure why I am mentioning it right now, I got it like two weeks ago.

I got a job at the Phonathon. I'm currently working 12 hours a week at the phonathon and 5 hours a week at the child care center. I start tomorrow. I am kind of dreading this having a job thing. I have never had a real job before. I have never balanced scheduled work and school, or balanced scheduled work and anything. Mervyns barely counts. The first week they scheduled me more than 15 hours I quit. Stupid job. But now I work at the Phonathon, so I definitely escaped the "stupid job" bullet. Yep, my future is bright.


new job, new home, new quarter

Its kind of like I am almost, maybe, similar to an adult.
:(

Mother Unit, What is Love?

I'm back in Olympia.
It has been nice being able to sleep in my own bed and have all my things. And of course it is nice seeing all my friends here, but I do miss my family. When I am in Edmonds for the weekend, I always feel so rushed and I barely have enough time for anyone. Over spring break I had so much spare time, I really felt able to relax and hang out with my sisters and mom.

Last night I went to a show downtown. it was really energetic and crowded, especially for Olympia. I was into it. Only a few more days till I get to move off campus forever. Woot! It is kind of weird to not be aloud to live here ever again. I mean I probably wouldn't purely because it is more expensive. But I mean, housing is a community I have been extremely involved with for the last year and a half. It kind of sucks knowing that I can no longer ever be apart of something that I am so invested in.

Oh well. The Glen is my new home. Expect updates on house warming party. Oh and Our house blog will be up and running soon enough.



Now it is time to watch 30Rock.

yeah!

My Mommy and I saw 10,000 B.C. today. Hmmm, how do I describe this movie. In one word... Awesome!! You have the Evergreener (dreadlocks and blue eyes) battling the Egyptian empire. So you know how everyone wonders how they built the pyramids, or at least were amazed at how they could move such huge rocks. Well apparently they used woolly mammoths. A weird thing about the movie is that they were kicking it in Ancient Egypt, whilst they were building the pyramids. And one could conclude that the movie took place in 10,000 B.C., and I believe the pyramids were not built until much later.

I would say the best part of the movie was when there was a saber tooth tiger stuck in this hole and it was drowning. The main character was about to kill him. I whipser to my mom, "if he befriends the saber tooth tiger I'm leaving." Within seconds you se the main character fel bad for the tiger and he says to him, "if I save you, you can't kill me" What the hell.



I don't think it was as good as A Day After Tomorrow.





We were two of seven people in the theatre.

meh, life is hard.

Spring break!

Last year I took a train with some of my best friends to San Francisco. It was an adventure. We rode on a train for 25 hours and navigated a city non of us had ever been to before.

This year I have spent most of spring break laying around my mom's apartment watching TV and feeling sorry for myself. It was definitely less exciting than last year. I keep on thinking things are going to get better tomorrow. "Once winter quarter is over, everything will be better" "Once I am not an RA, everything will be better" "Once I change variable X everything will be better." Maybe things aren't just going to get better. Maybe time isn't enough to make positive change. I want this quarter to be better than the last. I want my life to be better. I want to be happier, more productive, more honest. What can I do to make this change. I always feel like I am in this transition. College is just preparing me for the next step. But maybe I shouldn't keep settling, because I am constantly holding out for the next step. I want things to be better an more fulfilling now.

meh, life is hard.

Elizabeth Perkins, I bet she flipped the cop car.

I've been in Edmonds for a couple days now. When I am staying with my mommy in Edmonds, I watch a lot of TV. In olympia, I never watch TV. This is probably because I don't have one. My family has digital cable, so we have tons of channels. I have been watching a lot of TV on a lot of channels.

Shelby and I watched the movie Big starring the wonderful and talente Tom Hanks. This movie is seeminlgy innocent and a cute story about always being a kid at heart and cherishing your youth. I've probably seen this movie a dozen times over my life time, never really gave it a second thought. Re watching it just yesterday has displayed how horrific this boys journey into temporary adulthood really is. First of all, the way they get by this boy being away from his family for so long, is they convince his mother that he was kidnapped. WHAT THE FUCK!! This poor mother is left in near ruins for months while fucking Tom Hanks plays around on keybpards you can dance on. This movie could have taken a whole other route. This lady having to stay strong and pull herself together while her son is out of reach and potentionally being molested and brainwashed (I mean, what would you assume would be happening to your kid). And then Tom Hanksy just wonders on back home. There would be no "happily ever after," they would call the police and try to find the guy who kidnapped her son, then he would be taken to a doctor and a psychiatrist to make sure he isn't totally fucked up. The mother would probably be permenantly scarred by the fear of losing her son that she would be horribly over protective until she drove herself into early dementia.

On another note, what about Tom Hanks himself? Everyone watching this movie quickly falls in love with his naive and childlike reaction to all these silly adult situations he is thrown into. One of his coworkers. played by Elizabeth Perkins, becomes taken by his honest and mysterious nature. She tries to sleep over and Tom, silly as he is, thinks there havign a "sleep over!@!@#!". After a few weeks of this innocent dating, They have sex! Tom hanks may have the boy of a 40 year old, but he is mentally a 13 year old. 13 years old!!!! Some may find this to be a fine age to be ushered into adult hood by the act of sexual intercourse, but old fashioned Tasha finds this to be absolutely wrong. Elizabeth steals the virginity of the naive Tommy Hanks. And after she learns the truth about his age, and sees him transform back into a prepubesent child, she tells him to keep her number and to call her in ten years.

Alright, lets try and enter the mind of Elizabeth. You have just found out that the guy you have been sleeping with is actually a 13 year old you got transformed into an adult by a carnival-esque coin machine that granted wishes. Would your first reaction be, when will he be old enough to bone again? NO! you think, I am a fucking monster. I should go to jail, what a horrible mistake. How can I wash my hands clean of this?

You know, if her reaction was to kill Tom bcause of the overwhelming guilt she should have felt, well I would have been okay with that reaction. That makes more sense than "Call me in ten years."





My mommy told me I wasn't getting an Easter basket this year. Unlike most of my friends, I made sure to be with my fmily on this holiday. But I don't get a fricking basket. She told me if I wanted to get candy, I needed to participate in the Easter egg hunt. I warned her that if that was the case, I was going to be ruthless. The aster edd hunt begins and I am fucking rocking. No one explained any rules to hunting eggs other than, GET EGGS!! So you know what, I might have knocked over kids smaller than me to get an egg. I may have stolen 4 eggs out of a two year olds basket when she wasn't looking. I may have cheated when the eggs were being hid by peaking.
I don't feel bad. I am a pirate. Oh and guess who won? ... Me! Thats right, me! I fouind more eggs than any of thos little kids. Maybe next year the Easter bunny won't be so cheap and will fork out a basket for me.