Saturday, January 10, 2009

Growing Old

I went to a Pharmacy show a few weeks ago. They just recently moved to New Orleans and it was their last show here. Most people who know me are aware that I really like that band, like a lot. I have been to over 25 Pharmacy shows. I own three different Pharmacy shirts. I have 8 Pharmacy posters up in my room. I went to a show once and it was a mere 5 or 6 hours after getting intense dental surgery. I had gauze in my mouth and I was spitting blood into a cup in the front row. I was singing so hard I popped a stitch. I've been to shows with hundred of other people and shows with 4 other people. To say the least, the Pharmacy has been a major part of my life over the last 4 years. My interest in them has definitely declined over the last year or so, I mean I barely see them anymore, although I still appreciate them. 

When I was preparing to go to their most recent Seattle show, the last one before they moved, I didn't think much about the fact that a band I had dedicated so much time and energy to would be moving across the country. To be perfectly honest I didn't care much at all. If something better had been presented I may not have gone to the show at all. Well I went and it was a lot of fun. I saw a ton of people who I knew and a lot of great bands I had never heard of. I am not going to describe every detail of the show because no one cares, but they did play Fedex Planes and Comic Book, which was a great surprise. 

When the show ended a weird sadness kind of fell over me. This show was an overdue marker for the end of an era. I don't just mean an era of seeing Pharmacy shows. It was more like that band was a major element to the caricature I embodied Freshmen year, someone who I no longer can identify with. I am seemingly probably pretty similar to the person I was two years ago. I dress the same, I listen to the same music (for the most part), I am studying the same thing in school and shit, I hang out with mostly the same people. Despite being seemingly unchanged, I know I am a different person, maybe even purely for the reason that I don't want to go to punk shows three days a week anymore. 

Classes have started again for this quarter. Yesterday I started freaking out. I need to orchestrate the creation of a half hour long film, and I feel completely incompetent. I know that as soon as I am on the set, my amazing film making skills will speak for themselves. But I need to make shit happen. I need to find actors and a location. I need to hold auditions and rehearsals. I need to get costumes and props. I need to be organized and self motivated. I need to finish writing that damn script. I am not confident in my ability to do any of these things. Maybe I should get off my ass and work on this now instead of sitting around blogging. 

For class this quarter I need to keep a production blog. I'll set up a link to that as soon as I get it up and running. 

I'm getting real internet soon! 

"Spent the first hundred years of my life growing old" 

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