Wednesday, December 12, 2007

What do you do when presented with a bag of poop?

Today is Tuesday of evaluation week and I am already painfully bored. I ran out of greenery block meals. I am bored and hungry. There is crap in the water, literal human feces is rumored to taint Olympia's tap water. Don't drink it!! I watched a lot of television today. Watching TV with Jai is pretty bitter sweet. On one hand I love spending time with Jai and she brightens me day. On the other, when she is in control of the remote and spends 5 fucking minutes flipping through the same 60 channels I want to punch her in the face. I watched three hours of episodes of Tila Tequila I had already seen. I am getting bored retelling the events from the night.

Anyways so after several long hours of doing absolutely nothing we decide it is time to make things more interesting. We talk for awhile about creative ways to prank people. Their was talk about toilet papering someones room or common room, things to that extent. Then someone, I am not sure who, suggests we crap in a paper bag and put it outside Riley's room. I am not sure why, but I personally really enjoy the idea of having a bag full of crap. Maybe all the Gatorade I have been drinking in order to avoid poopy water had effected my thought process, but I really really wanted a bag of poop. Carley thought the idea was disgusting and didn't understand what was funny about a bag of poop. Charlie thought is was a funny idea. Jai just really wanted me to poop in the bag. Once I was put on the spot, I started feeling really self conscious about my poop. If I were to shit in a bag my poop would be on display for everyone to see and that puts a lot of pressure for me to have a good poo. I started feeling really vulnerable. What if my poop smells weird? is shaped weird? an off color? I really didn't need that sort of ridicule. I chickened out and wouldn't poop in the bag.

Jokingly, I asked some resident of Charlie's to poop in the bag. I told him I would give him a dollar. He declined, but after awhile he came back and said a friend would do it for free. Excitingly I gave him the bag. I was glad that our plan was underway. A few minutes later this guy returns holding the bag. I kind of freaked out a little, what do you do when presented with a bag of poop? Carley and Jai ran from the room. Charlie was first to inspect the bag. He had a disappointed look on his face, "There is just like two little poos." I decided to investigate. I slowly edged closure to the bag and carefully opened it. It was one of the most underwhelming experiences. Instead of a grand poo, I had before me two little poo chips. They looked more like a fart than a poop. I would be embarrassed to set that on someone's door. Pathetic.

Now we were left with a large brown paper bag that contained two fart chip poos. What to do? They seemed to insignificant to actually mess with someone with. But we had worked so hard to obtain them. We eventually trickled out of the common room into Charlie's room. I am not sure everyones reasons for the change of location, but personally I felt slightly uncomfortable being in the room with the poop. We all sat, a little disappointed after our failed poop scheme had failed. We decided to get dressed up weird. I put on Charlie's football helmet and an array of green and blue fabric. Jai dressed up in weird layers of Charlie's clothes. Suddenly the guy who had hooked up the poop came in, he told us another friend had to poo and offered to add to our collection.

After several minutes our bag is returned, heavier and much more promising. I decided not to look inside, I didn't need the disappointment. Charlie insured me that the poo was more promising than before. After some quick deliberation we decided that this sort of attack would be better aimed at Olson, mostly because we thought he would appreciate it most.

We headed out to the Mods, dressed like freaks and carrying a bag of poop. We set it on Matt's windshield. It was slightly anti climatic. We then returned to our homes and disbursed. All and all it was a pretty boring night.

No comments: