Monday, January 7, 2008

anonymous Tasha would smoke

I have been in a weird mood recently. It was amazing seeing my Evergreen friends today. Amanda is in town. I didn't realize how much I fricking love hanging out with her. It was good news. But yeah, it was my first night back in Olympia in three weeks. Winter break seemed so long. I can't believe it was only three weeks. I am justing feeling really weird.

I want to be happy. I guess the problem is I don't know what it takes to make me happy anymore. I mean I am generally a happy person. But I want incredible happiness. I want to be excited about something. I think starting classes is going to help. I really like my class. I am not sure what I want in my life. I definitely want some Jesus. I don't know why exactly, but I feel really distant from God right now. I don't like it. I want to bring on the Jesus.

I went to the Reef tonight. I love the Reef. The Reef makes me happy. I had a fried egg sandwich. I had coffee. I had some of Charlie's chocolate peanut butter milkshake. The Reef makes me happy. Getting to the Reef, on the other hand, was stressful as hell. But I guess half the fun is dealing with all that crap to get to the Reef. It is definitely worth it.

I want to go on an adventure. I want to experience something I have never experienced before. I want to grow in some new way. I think the only way to make this happen is to go somewhere I have never been. Who wants to go on an adventure. I don't really care where, as long as it is spontaneous and punk rock. I want to go somewhere where no one knows who I am, and I can be someone completely different. I want to have a secret identity. I want to make up all kinds of ridiculous lies about my past. I want to make myself seem mysterious and cool. I like who I am, but it would be cool to be someone different for awhile. I feel like it would help me discover who I am.

I hold back a lot of things because people already have an idea of who I am, and I don't want to challenge that. If I went somewhere, and I was anonymous, I could be whoever I wanted to be. But if I wanted to be something other than me, why don't I just do that here? I think anonymous Tasha would smoke. It is nothing I would actually do in my real life. I think it is an expensive habit, and it is unhealthy. There is really no point. But anonymous Tasha would smoke. Mostly because I think smoking makes you cool. I would also have tattoos. Smoking and tattoos are cool. I would also be in a band. I kind of want to sneak off somewhere for like a month and get a job at a local diner. This is where I could re-invent myself. After a few weeks of this, I would return and be good old Tasha again.

Nathan and I have discussed what it would be like to go back to high school. I think if I did it again, I would be much better at it. I mean I would be a total bad ass. Feet up on my desk and everything. Hell yeah.

I bet I could get an independent contract to go back to high school as some social experiment. You can study just about anything here.

I was listening to a Kimya Dawson song and it mentioned the Reef. It was beautiful.



Amanda said...

I think you mean anonymous, not unanimous.

And I freakin' love hanging out with you too!

Natasha Norton said...

Haha, thanks Amanda, that was a pretty bad mistake. But yes, all fixed I hope!