Thursday, January 3, 2008

no means maybe?

I think the way people interact with each other is frustrating. Everything has to be so hidden and secret. We are never ourselves. We are always projecting. I studied listening in school. Their are several different kinds of listening. One way is semantic listening, this is when we have to interpret noise to understand it, like language. When someone is talking we are obviously interpreting the sounds they are making to form words and sentences. Another kind of listening is casual listening. This is just as it sounds, casually distinguishing sounds to better understand them. When we communicate with each other, so much of what we hear is what is not being said. We casually listen to how things are being said to decide what the speaker is trying to convey just as much as we semantically listen.

I am the queen of passive aggressive behavior. I own that. I want people to know how I am feeling without making myself vulnerable by actually saying what I want to say. This is something I have been working on for the last three years. I think honesty is awesome. Why can't we be honest?!?!?!

It all comes down to manipulation, I think. We are constantly trying to manipulate each other. We want to control people and their emotions. I wish that I would be more courageous. I wish I could just scream from the roof tops how I feel, but I refuse to make myself vulnerable. I think we are all tempted to live with a shell. I don't want to let anyone in because they could hurt me, or worse, not care enough to hurt me. One of my biggest fears is that people won't appreciate me as much as I appreciate them.

Flirting seems ridiculous sometimes. Instead of being honest with people we just expect them to read our body language and listen past language. Its all about how, not what. I don't like this. This strategy of interacting with potential partners, allows for disrespect of assertive straightforward communication. I can't stand the "no means maybe" flirting crap. You know, the hard to get girl. If you are being flirted with and you say "no", that should mean "NO". I don't think it is a compliment to be harassed. I think that mind set that you can convince someone with force and persistence is a big problem in our culture. Justin Timberlake videos display this a lot. He will be seeking a girl and she will be giving him the cold shoulder. He will be forceful and even violent with these girls. Suddenly, these girls fall in love with the asshole guy. It hurts me even more when I see girls perpetuating these destructive behaviors by playing hard to get. I want to encourage my fellow sisters to be strong and demand respect. Don't use innocence and vulnerability in a manipulative way. This tells guys it is okay to interpret no as maybe. NO MEANS NO. Dating shouldn't be a game. Flirting shouldn't be manipulation. Emotions should be real. People should be real.

I should be real.

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